I Have A Lot of Unresolved Anger Towards Paris. And Other Inspiring Things.

Post image for I Have A Lot of Unresolved Anger Towards Paris. And Other Inspiring Things.

Every single time I tweet about how I’m having a bad day, there are always a few people who reply to me saying basically the same thing: “You live in Paris! How could you ever have a bad day?!” How could I have had a bad/frustrating day? Oh, let me count the ways: I’ve been to a grocery store. I’ve spoken just, at all. I’ve been on the metro. I needed Epsom salts. I needed aspirin. I needed to get somewhere fast. I needed something done fast. I needed to recharge my monthly metro pass. I needed to find walnuts. I needed something normal, but instead almost bought tongue.

To me, there is nothing more intimidating/frightening than the meat/things-that-used-to-be-living-but-now-can-be-eaten aisle/stall at a grocery store/outdoor market. Americans are clearly not very inventive with their animal proteins or it seems that the French will eat any part of an animal, no matter what animal that actually is.

SAUCE CANNOT COVER UP EVERYTHING, FRANCE.

And don’t even get me started on the oceanic area of an outdoor market. There are things I didn’t even know existed in the sea and definitely some of them do not look edible. How do these people understand how to cook a weird shiny white fish/shrimp/clam/thing? Is that a clam? A mussel? A barnacle!? What are you, weird sea creatures that are oddly edible! I’m amazed and horrified by you! Stop looking at me with your dead, open fish eyes. Why is everything served either raw or still intact in France? Who’s a girl gotta blow around here to get a fish without its eyes looking up at me before I tear open its flesh to nourish myself?

Also, why are you eating raw hamburger meat with a raw egg on top and CALLING THIS A DELICACY? This is disgusting, unhygienic, and really fucking lazy. The French are known for their cooking AND YET one of their most famous dishes is uncooked meat aside a plate full of fries. OH YOU GO GET DOWN WITH YOUR BAD COOKING SELF, FRANCE. I could nevvvvvverrrrr master raw meat.

Steak tartare? How about steak throw the eff up in a wine carafe?

Although, I will say something. Goddamn you France and your goddamn amazing damn baguettes. And the pastries! And the macarons! Stop it. And your insistence on me drinking Perrier, which fuck you, I LOVE. Now, I’m paying money for fancy water and I feel like a huge asshole. There are people in Somalia who don’t even have water and here I am, Miss Prissy Pants, drinking her Perrier with a lemon wedge. A LEMON WEDGE? REALLY.

Are you happy now, France? Somalia hates me. I’m spending half my budget on fancy water. And one of your representatives who works at the metro station shouted at me in front of fifty other people because I was stupidly attempting to get information from the information window.

At this point, I don’t even know who I hate more: you or myself.

34 people added their two cents. Add yours.

{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }

1 doniree October 2, 2011 at 1:46 pm

We were spending so much on the Italian version of that fancy water that I finally went out and bought a Soda Stream so we can make it at home. I’m not sure if that makes me more or less prissy pants, but what I’m saying is – I GET you on that whole fancy water thing.

Reply

2 nikki October 2, 2011 at 3:55 pm

I totally get what you’re saying, in general AND about Paris. I only lived there for a month, but some days, they only thing that saved what was left of my sanity was a cafe owned by a Tunisian women who went to high school in Massachusetts and her desire to practice English and teach me soccer. That was 5 years ago, but I could still easily make my way there from any place in the city! Also, Mantes la Jolie was a nice suburb to escape all the Parisian anger, but no one spoke English. Good luck, I hope it helps that someone else gets it!

Reply

3 Sandhan October 2, 2011 at 11:50 pm

I get it!

Reply

4 Sandhan October 2, 2011 at 11:50 pm

I know what you’re talking about ~ I lived in France for more than 10 years and while I met many amazing people as a race they are unbelievably prissy!
I use to say that France would be OK if it weren’t full of French people… Oops
Bit like that famous line from Shirley Valentine, the movie where she says Greece would be alright if it were a bit more like Spain! LOL

(Si vous êtes francais, je plaisante OK?)

Reply

5 Jeremy Orr October 3, 2011 at 8:56 am

I love “sauce cannot cover up everything, France” I am stealing that to yell at soccer matches. Thank you.

Reply

6 Ben October 3, 2011 at 8:58 am

I just adore you and I adore you even more when you’re angry at the French.

Looking at a pile of crap-on-a-plate and shouting “MAGNIFIQUE!” does not a masterpiece make.

Reply

7 Meghan October 3, 2011 at 9:33 am

WTF, Steak tartare?!? We’re not, like, tigers at the zoo!

Reply

8 Aimée October 3, 2011 at 9:43 am

I am from Canada, and I used to live in Paris too. In retrospect, I can say that the thing I miss the most about Paris is the way it made me so angry at times… even aggressive… but that’s where I learnt to take my place. I’m not kidding, I think it’s a very good quality to be able to snap back at someone when you feel abused. I feel that in North America, we sometimes lack this.
Anyway, please keep on shouting whenever you’re angry! Many people (like I) enjoy reading it, and relate too!
Next time, what about shouting: “La sauce ne peut pas tout cacher!” (Though I’m really bad at translating things.)

Reply

9 Amanda October 3, 2011 at 9:46 am

My best friend and I absolutely share your feelings towards the french language in particular. We’re both Canadians who have studied french since the 6th grade, and are now trying to minor in French in university. But even after all these years, we struggle to put together sentences (God help us if we ever come across French people while working in retail–”parlez lent!”). At this point I want to master it more to metaphorically punch the language in the face than to have it as a skill and convenience.

Reply

10 Peter October 3, 2011 at 9:53 am

I live on an island, so there is seafood everywhere. All kinds. Everywhere.

But we have the common decency to cook everything.

Reply

11 Marian Schembari October 3, 2011 at 12:17 pm

So I may have never lived in Paris, but I DO get you on living somewhere that should be amazing and still getting annoyed at the little “idiosyncrasies” that make that place so effing different from home. I live in New Zealand. It IS awesome, but they also have no street signs, people wear flip flops to work in the dead of winter and the country hasn’t yet discovered wifi or insulation. Shootmenow.

Reply

12 nicole antoinette October 3, 2011 at 4:25 pm

At least you’re not spending $1,800 to rent someone’s couch. OH WAIT, YOU ALMOST WERE.

Reply

13 Lindsey October 4, 2011 at 12:03 am

Love Nicole’s comment! LOL

Also, yes, I must take some responsibility for the fancy pants water habit…. I apologize. I shouldn’t have consumed it in front of you.

And the information window is clearly just for looking, Jamie. CLEARLY.

Reply

14 theresa October 6, 2011 at 11:41 pm

LOVED YOUR COMMENT LINDSEY!!! I couldn’t have said it better. The Information window is clearly just for looking!!! I laughed so hard reading this post and laughed again when I read this comment. Thanks!!!

Reply

15 Nikki Groom October 4, 2011 at 5:55 am

You crack me up.

Don’t hate yourself – it’s okay, we understand *soothingly pats head*

Reply

16 Melissa October 5, 2011 at 12:21 pm

My husband is European and although we live here in the US of A he insists on drinking sparkling water. I’m going to refer to him as Mr. Prissy Pants going forward, thanks!

Reply

17 Paula @ thewilyweez October 6, 2011 at 8:10 am

You sound like you could use a drink and some well done meat. :)

Reply

18 theresa October 6, 2011 at 11:53 pm

When I was in Paris with you a couple of weeks ago I had the same problem of drinking prissy pants Perrier water, only you have to drink ole’ prissy pants because thats the only water that taste good! You go Prissy Pants!!
Love you and love this post!!!
HILARIOUS!!!

Reply

19 Cynthia October 7, 2011 at 1:21 pm

I love prissy water! It’s the only kind can drink. Flat water sucks.

Reply

20 Luda October 10, 2011 at 10:25 am

I’m sure Somalia doesn’t hate you. Almost like, 52% sure. Unless they read this post. Then you’re fucked.

Reply

21 Ti October 11, 2011 at 6:56 am

Bwa ha ha. I drink fancy water with lemon, life is horrible! :P I tease. I love it. And I think I may be in love with you. Just a little.

A friend & I went to Paris… our plane got in SUPER late, but we didn’t want to waste our first night so we went on an intense night time photo shoot at all the empty landmarks and then, long after everything that stayed open late was officially closed… we were famished. So, we declined numerous foodless bars… until we found a bar not only open… but with a menu! Huzzah! We order our food… (as my friend took French, she translated)… and received the raw version of what we expected. Hers was a mound of raw hamburger meat, just sitting there on her plate. WRONG WRONG WRONG. However, neither one of us forgot the French word for “raw” for the next ten days.

Reply

22 Tammy November 3, 2011 at 11:28 am

OMG, I came across this blog and it cracks me up. I have been living in the South of France for two years and trying to learn the language as well. Get this…my husband is French. I take it you didn’t have to take the Code de la Route (driving test) because if you would have this blog would have blown up!

Reply

23 Megan November 12, 2011 at 2:06 pm

I’ve only been living in Paris for just over 2 months, and I totally relate. Even when you follow the rules and do the right thing, you’re still not doing it right if you have a North American accent.

And just because you’re living in an amazing city doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to have a bad day. Amen.

Reply

24 Terri December 2, 2011 at 1:49 pm

An entire post about what you hate about Paris and no mention of Parisians?

Reply

25 SingSinatra December 6, 2011 at 11:05 pm

OMG! I can’t even explain how I feel horrible about laughing and having a blast reading your post… like laughing at the misfortunes of others, that’s so sick… I feel horribly, but still I had a blast! Luv your blog!

Reply

26 Jenn @therebelchick December 20, 2011 at 7:40 am

And this is why I have never had the slightest inclination to even visit France, let alone live there!

Reply

27 Carter January 8, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Oh come on now, France is a big country with some serious history and culture. I do hope you were joking, because, despite your predisposition to foreign things, it could only be beneficial to visit France some day. And she’s right about the baguettes and pastries, you truly have never had such good bread in the US, I promise you. And croissants. And so many other things. But regardless, Parisians are about as rude as New Yorkers, maybe in a slightly different way, but it doesn’t matter what major city you’re in, there are going to be rude people.

Jenn, go to France. Take a trip, you won’t regret it. You could spend the whole time in Paris, or you could travel to villiages in the countryside or Southern France and see amazing things and taste incredible culinary creations. Don’t hate!

Reply

28 Mayor Gia January 10, 2012 at 7:11 pm

hahah as a vegetarian, this intimidates me greatly.

Reply

29 oracks February 6, 2012 at 7:14 pm

lol, then it’s the inspiring thing…

Reply

30 Apocalypstick February 23, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Damn, I legit love raw meat. Now I want an egg on top of raw meat. With some fucking cheese. Cheese, everywhere.

Reply

31 Julie February 24, 2012 at 10:06 am

dear jamie
when you are you going to tell us about your engagement proposal. did he do something very amelie’esh like on the steps of the sacre coeur or in a photo booth. ps do they have those photo booths in the metro?
maybe it is too personal for you to blog your engagement proposal. somehow i hope you will tho!
ps. i have nothing more to ps.
pps. not sure what that means. lookin forward to reading a new blog

Reply

32 Lillian April 2, 2012 at 6:16 am

I lived in France for about 6 months and COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. Good laugh first thing in the a.m.—thank you!

Reply

33 Kaliani February 9, 2013 at 2:53 pm

LOL. Sounds SOOOOO familiar! Kindred spirit!

Reply

34 Andrew October 22, 2013 at 9:01 am

I thought French people hated me because I spoke English, then I moved to Italy and visited France with Italians. The French hated them too!

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: