Have you noticed that I haven’t been blogging? Yeah, me too. What’s that about? Well, it might have something to do with the fact that I don’t think I’ve had a free moment since probably October and, even then, that moment may have taken place on an airplane or in transit somewhere that I didn’t have phone service or internet. Did you know that this generation has a problem with always being connected?
I leave for London tomorrow night and then, next Friday, take a train over to Paris to move into my month-long sublet apartment. I finally got excited for this moment a week ago. For the months prior to that, I was what one would liberally describe as a sort of “disaster.” Not nervous, no, that wasn’t it. It was a beautiful mixture of painful self-loathing, resentment, and general anger towards myself for wanting something so far outside of my comfort zone. Why can’t I just get my jollies from bungee jumping on the weekend? Why do I have to move across the world? These things always sound more glamorous than they really are. Trust me.
But then, a week ago, I got really crazy amazing amounts excited. Like, just could not wait until Monday, the 10th rolled around. And, in that week, I think I fell in love with everything. This is my year of love, I can feel it. I’m ready. I’m open. I’ve accepted that I need this sort of fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants comfort zone shift in order to really feel alive and feeling alive is what I intend to aim for every single day.
I wish it was easier to articulate the calmness that I feel. I would have expected to be a nervous wreck by this time, but I’m eerily and disarmingly peaceful. I must have slipped myself a Xanex without realizing it, because this lack of nerves is random, to say the least. I’m waiting for the freak out, the tears, the panic, but it’s not coming and HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? I even finished packing and it was so merciless that I’m actually proud of myself for my cutthroat way of dealing with my clothes. NO MERCY, I SAY.
People keep asking me how long I’m going for, where I’ll go after Paris, what the hell I’m actually doing. It’s interesting that other people want me to have a plan more than I want to have a plan. I can’t even remember what I had for lunch yesterday, nor can I make a plan two days in advance, so how am I supposed to plan out something like this? This type of travel is about magic. It’s about intuition. It’s about ordinary Sundays that turn into weeklong trips to Venice or Amsterdam. It’s about saying the hell with a plan and making it up as you go along. It’s about closing your eyes, letting go, and trusting in the general right-ness of something bigger than us.
I know that no matter where I go, if I’m listening to my gut, I’m going to the right place. Everything is right; nothing is wrong. There are no set ways when exploration is concerned. And, having a plan only impedes the ability to just… go with it. And, this is what I intend on doing. Going with it. Seek after experiences and love and intrigue and earth-shattering passion; nothing less and everything more.
This is it. This is the big one. Tomorrow will mark the moment I’ll always look back on and thank myself for taking this leap, no matter how much emotional turmoil it has caused me. Day by day. One foot in front of the other. That’s how it goes. That’s the only way it can go.
This is me going with it. Fuck yeah.
{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
GOOD LUCK!
I experienced the exact same calmness you just described right before I moved to Australia for a year. The total calmness made me realize it was exactly what I was supposed to be doing. I had no job lined up, no apartment, and here I am back a year later and changed for the better. Reading this has made me want to pick up and move to another country all over again…
You are going to have the best year of your life and I’m looking forward to reading it all about it!
I’m SO excited for all the “funny adventures” in your future and for being able to see you before you leave!
Plan schman…who needs one??
I am so very excited for you!!! What an adventure!! I hope you remember “how are you”, in French. We said it a million times, so you have to have it!! I’m going to miss you terribly but I want to wish you the best time ever lovies!!
You may meet the guy with me arm in London. That would be funny!! Please blog and let me live through you for a while until I can unjust to you not being here…Okay!!!
So Hello Paris and London and beyond have a safe trip and I pray to God to keep you peaceful, happy, safe and full of life and meet alot of friends. Amen!!
Love you more
Mom
Come for a celebratory drink in London!
Good luck Jamie.
It’s a great feeling. I came to Brasil some weeks ago and people keep asking me the same things: how long are you staying here? What are you going to do? What are you life-long plans and goals and blah blah? I don’t even know where I’m going to sleep tonight. Hopefully in a air-conditioned room. With a beautiful Brazilian girl. With lots and lots of caipirinhas to drink. Or in a hostel. Whatever.
Have fun!
Fly safe and have the time of your life!
“It’s about saying the hell with a plan and making it up as you go along. It’s about closing your eyes, letting go, and trusting in the general right-ness of something bigger than us.”
Fuck yeah to that is right! I’m a go with the flower too. Too much planning kills the romance of an adventure…and the romance of anything really. I say let the moment take you where it may. And if that means you’re standing butt-naked in some moon lit Paris doorway wearing nothing but a beret and a smile on your face, so be it. You go with your bad self and get your Paris on. Give that Frenchman the ride of his life.
And you…you have the time of your life in Paris! Also, blog the adventure. Oui?
Happy face for you! Sad face for me. But more happy! But also sad. But happy! But, miss you already!!!
dlfkjgflk conflicting emotions
This it totally like that one movie. What was it? Forgetting Paris? No. From Paris with Love? No. Oh, I got it. Beauty and the Beast because that one guy was named Gaston. He was French. Or something.
I ruined this analogy. In any case, Paris is great! Eat croissants and buy a beret! Tell Gaston I said hi.
This is such an inspiration to me and I am SO GLAD you are doing it, and so EXCITED to see and read about your experiences. I am attempting a Move Out of Your Comfort Zone and Town later this year, and seeing you do it so drastically, and with your reasons, gives me more confidence that this is the right path for me to at least try.
Good luck with the new adjustment, update often, please!
Reading this post put a HUGE smile on my face — I’m so ridiculously excited for you!!! Amazing that you’ve found that totally serene “weightless” place – free from worry and expectation. I love the intentions you’ve set for next year, and can’t wait to keep following along your journey.
<3!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. You are such an amazing writer. Swooning over here.
One more barrell shooting!
I love this!!! So inspiring. Rock Europe.
You = MY HERO
Jamie! All the best. You are going to have a beautiful time..! Like everyone, am very excited for you. Yay to new experiences! You’ll be in my thoughts. Stay safe and keep dazzling!
I’d be all mad and all dontgo dontgo but you’re really not moving any further away from me than before…you’re sort of just switching sides which I’m totally cool with. So…uh…do the damn thing already. You’re going to rock it.
Can I take a little credit in that whole “love thing?” I do believe I planted a few seeds. #hopelessromantic. ENDLESSLY EXCITED AND PROUD OF YOU. I can’t wait to read about your adventures and then come out and meet your French boyfriend, and then babysit your French kids- and you can name them French things, here are your options; Camille, Simon, JACQUES, PIERRE, Madeliene, Jean and HELOISE (just say that last one in a French accent, JUST DO IT.) Then they can call me….”auntie” and they’ll say it all weird, because A. they’ll be babie and B. French will be their first language. I’m gonna nickname one of them Bon Bon.
Wow, I’m excited.
so excited for you jamie!! i expect nothing less than ridiculous and amazing and fabulous adventures.
GOOD FOR YOU!!! WISH YOU ALL THE LUCK & CANT WAIT TO READ ABOUT ALL YOUR CRAZY PARISIAN ADVENTURES!
When I went to France for a month a few years ago — on my own in another country for the first time ever — it was a disaster. Missed flights, missed trains, missed car rides…I was a wreck. But you know what? Looking back, I got through it. And, looking back, it was the greatest adventure of my lifetime, one I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.
Because you realize that if you ask for it, help will be there. Because you realize that if you trust yourself and listen to your intuition, you’re capable of amazing things. Because you realize, if you need it, there’s always a place called home to turn to.
You are going to have such a fantastic time and I hope, hope, hope you blog about it because I NEED to get my French fix and live vicariously through you.
And the only phrase you’ll ever need in French: Est-ce que vous parlez anglais? I speak French fairly fluently, but I’ve learned that asking if they speak English en francais definitely helps when you’re too exhausted and keep thinking “cochon” is the word for “counter” — as in ticket-counter.
It’s definitely not.
Happy travels!!
Reading this post is making me excited for my upcoming visit to Paris!
I think what you’re doing is amazing. It takes a very brave person to pick up and move to a foreign country with no real plans whatsoever, but that’s what makes it all the more exciting. Think of all the adventures you will have! This is what our 20′s are for: adventures and fabulous life experiences, like the time you lived in Italy, and now Paris.
Good luck to you in Paris; I can’t wait to read all about it.
I hope you don’t mind if I live vicariously through you. Don’t worry — I’ll carry my own luggage and won’t ask too many questions.
aw. plans are overrated. the true joy of paris lives in the individual moment. the cafe you come across. the random statue in a backyard. wandering into sainte chappelle in late afternoon when the sun is crossing thru the stained glass windows. if you are rushing to a plan you miss the moments that just appear. the moments that make paris special. just make sure you sit one evening at cafe deux magots with a glass of wine and laugh at the tourists.
enjoy jaime. paris is the best city in the world.
You go, girl!
OMG!!! You will fly!
No plans, no expectations, just the freedom to BE. In the most romantic city in the world.
I hate to admit this but I have been saying “I want to go to Paris” since I was 21. (Well, actually the part I hate to admit is that 21 was 36 years ago!).
So I’m going this year – which is why I decided to leave a comment.
IT’S NEVER TO LATE OR TOO EARLY TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU WERE BORN TO LIVE
so follow your intuition and be present in every moment – may love and light shine on you all the way there (and back again if you decide to return!).
Lyn
Sydney ~ Australia
I always go through the self loathing phase when I travel. Why am I doing this to myself? But then when I get there I realize that I was right, and it’s actually what I wanted to be doing.
Have a great time! (Try to blog once or twice while you’re there?)
That’s awesome! And you are right. Everyone thinks that you have to have a plan. I think people spend too much time trying to plan their lives out in order. I spent most of my life doing that. I will be 25 this year, and I am planning to move to Louisiana, and I decided to do this 2 months ago. I’m going to take your approach to life and just go with it!
Good luck Jamie!!!
Holy cow!!! Good luck and congratulations!
Good luck gurl! This is so eat.pray.love you know that, right? Please tell me that 1) you’ll blog the entire time so we can live vicariously and 2) that you’ll write a book upon your return that hopefully includes a raunchy Parisian love affiar. Not a request, by the way.
Can’t wait to hear your Paris adventures! I came home (to NYC) in Aug after being in Paris for a year and even though I’m happy to be home I miss so much about Paris. Enjoy everyday and good luck with your French. I found I didn’t use it that much, thank god because I suck. Yes, after a full year there I still can’t speak French- very embarrassing!
Just. Love. You.
This is an awesome adventure for you, I know it! I did the same thing, but in ol’ foggy London town. Flying by the seat of your pants, jumping off the cliff, and building wings on the way down is a way to lose yourself. But losing yourself in the best possible way! Losing yourself in the way that you leave everything behind that makes you comfortable, that makes you resort to a way of being. You’re forced to find yourself, your TRUE and DEEP self, in midst of the loss of security. It will take you amazing places…maybe even on down a river on a house boat with an old Irish man that reads your tarot cards and then pays for your groceries. Or maybe that’s just me.
But I’m sure you’ll find your house boat too
Just stay open, and as you say, put one foot in front of the other.
~Quinn