Sometimes I get scared to want something, because I worry I don’t have the persistence and dedication necessary to finish it. Sometimes I care way too much if a guy gets in touch. Sometimes I care way too little when he finally does.
Sometimes I get mad at myself for not knowing if I want marriage or kids or to settle down eventually. Sometimes I feel like I’m missing some sort of feminine gene. Sometimes I wonder if I’m even capable of falling in love. Sometimes I can’t decide if my commitment issues are because I’m scared of getting hurt or if it’s because I’m scared of losing my freedom. Sometimes I think it has nothing to do with fear at all, that it’s okay to be a woman and not want commitment, that love can be definable by only me and that that makes love romantic to me again.
Sometimes I worry that I’ll never ever be satisfied and I’ll collect experiences and stamps on my passport, but I’ll be unfulfilled. Sometimes I worry that, no matter what, I’ll never have enough money. Sometimes I worry I’ll make so much money that I’ll lose sight of what’s important to me.
Sometimes I don’t know what’s important to me.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and I think I look gorgeous. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don’t even recognize the reflection.
Sometimes I want to be alone and walk around the apartment in my underwear, singing bad Katy Perry songs on repeat. Sometimes I repeat a certain song so much that I’m embarrassed for doing so. Sometimes I don’t want to be alone, but I am alone anyways. Sometimes I’m lonely even when I’m surrounded by people. Sometimes I’m not.
Sometimes I believe I’m capable of all the things I want to do. Sometimes I worry that I’m too late. Sometimes I worry I’m a walking cliche. Sometimes I beat myself up for being so unoriginal. Sometimes I’m so vain that I can feel superior. Sometimes I feel superior as a defense mechanism.
Sometimes I think I have it all figured out. Sometimes I am so lost that I feel insignificant. Sometimes feeling insignificant is worse than anything I could think of.
Sometimes I’m quite funny. Sometimes I worry I’m not funny at all. Sometimes I feel so inadequate that I’d gladly take feeling insignificant over that. Sometimes I’m in the right place at the wrong time.
Sometimes I’m just a girl who thinks maybe she wants to love and be loved. Sometimes I worry I’m not.
Sometimes I’m funny. Sometimes I’m not.
{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }
I love this. And your honesty. And that I think, sometimes we’re not, a lot. I’m not sure if it’s ever always figured out, and knowing that is okay…
It really is. Cause I get it.
xo
Thank You God, (Sometimes I think God is real. Sometimes not so much) for letting Jamie V. express those thoughts (although next week I will be thanking her genes and Darwin instead). Now I know, I am not the only one. (for sure this time).
Ew. You know how I feel about this post and how good it is and how good you are and why I can no longer live with you.
JUST KIDDING.
But seriously, ew.
WUV YOU FOWEVVVEWWWW
Suck?
There’s no such thing as a bad Katy Perry song. But yeah, I feel a lot of this uncertainty. I think it’s okay.
I relate so much.
Sometimes its good to hear other people feel this way too. Actually, not sometimes, all the time. Cause everyone always feels this way about something. I definitely get this.
Sometimes I feel on top of the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m on the bottom. But all the time, I feel any single one of these things in the post, and it’s perfectly okay. Ups and downs, peaks and valleys, however you want to put it. In the end though, it’s all pretty fantastic.
i could ESPECIALLY relate to the 2nd paragraph! and especially the first two sentences of said paragraph.
i wish i just KNEW whether or not i want kids, settling down, or marriage. sometimes people just KNOW these things even when they’re single.. and i envy that. because i have no idea what i want half the time…
Love love love this, Jamie. Sometimes, I feel the same exact ways. It’s good to know I’m sometimes not alone
sometimes i can relate complete with your expression and emotions and today is just that day!
sometimes i just wanna be loved and married!
That was beautiful.
Everyone feels that way sometimes.
I always feel like that. Which, I think, means it’s pretty normal.
Sometimes I think you’re brilliant.
Don’t worry so much. It’ll give you wrinkles.
This is what stresses me out — the BOTH sidedness of it — if I legit felt fat all the time or legit felt irresponsible ALL the time, etc. I could work on that. but half the time I think I’m doing great, the other half, FAIL. It’s exhausted to go back and forth.
For the record, I think you’re great.
Somehow you managed to transcribe the conversation I was just having with myself in my brain. Thanks
Whoa, did you crawl inside my head when you wrote this? Because this is exactly me. Except it’s you. Maybe we’re the same person. or maybe… maybe we’re both just more normal than we think.
Sometimes I think I am the only one that feels this way, sometimes I don’t. LOVE, love, love this.
It’s good to hear this, now I know you are human. Everyone has thier moments of being fickle or undecided. I have those moments everyday. Everyone has doubts, concerns, happiness and days of depression. I think the best advice I can give, is to stay happy with all situations whatever the day may bring…WHY? because you are alive, beautiful and young. Staying positive and happy in your thoughts brings true happiness.
You pretty much take my feelings and express them way better than I ever could.
You literally spoke from my soul. I can relate to all of those feelings more than you know. I guess the feeling lost part is the worst. Thanks for this post!
That was perfect and so necessary for me to read right now. Striking a balance is hard work.
Sometimes we all get so wrapped up in worrying what’s to come, what is to be, that we forget to allow ourselves to be present and open to all opportunities. I feel ya sista.
Pretty much all of that post could have been about me. For real. Glad it’s not just me who feels this stuff…
Your posts are so zen. I think we all feel this way, or not that way, often. You happen to write it out and publish without fear of judgement. It’s awesome. Thanks.
PS- Have you heard Mason Jennings’ song “Some Say I’m Not”? One of my faves from him, your post title reminded of that song and now it’s stuck in my head.
We love this post. This is why we read this blog. All the time, you’re a great blogger. That is Hippest Snippets approved.
“Sometimes I think it has nothing to do with fear at all, that it’s okay to be a woman and not want commitment, that love can be definable by only me and that that makes love romantic to me again.” ~ awesome
Struck your website by mistake … but the appearance of it made me hang on juts for that bit longer that made me stay over for a while
You have constructive arrogance in your writing … nicley done!
Constructive Arrogance?…Very Interesting but………
From one complete stranger to another, it feels less lonely knowing I’m not alone in these thoughts. Great posts and fantastic blog.
I absolutely love this post <3 and, I just have to tell you, you're most definitely not alone on these things. I feel just about every single thing you've listed five times a day, if not more.
I think.. we just have to give ourselves time. We want too much and are afraid life won't live up to expectations, so therefore we lower our standards and then wonder why we expect so little, and think something is wrong with us for doing so.
By the way, your blog is extremely impressive! I will definitely be returning c:
My friend Josie and I talk about this 3-phase hellacious cycle we seem to go always go through concerning that nagging question of “what am I doing with my life.”
1. “Man, I’m not going to worry about it. Whatever happens, happens. Destiny, or… something.”
2. “Whoa. WHOA. Nothing’s happening. Why hasn’t anything happened!? Shit, I suck at life. FAIL. FAIL. FAIL!”
3. “I GOT this! I can do whatever I want, I am capable! I have optimism shining out my asshole!”
So… coming from a flailing 26 year old, I getchoo.
We all have these doubts and these confusions. I love this, so much.
I disabled the play count column on my iTunes, because it is GD embarrassing for myself to see how many times I played ‘Hold Me’ by Menudo.
Related: I have the musical tastes of a fifteen year old girl.
I think the comments here have proved that you’re definitely not the only person this happens to; add me to that growing list of people who agree.
I just stumbled across your blog, and I love this post!
Thank you for so beautifully putting into words, emotions that are so often felt yet bottled up and never spoken out loud!! Beautiful post!
i love this site.
i laughed out loud more than a few times. and thats a good thing.
you ARE funny.
and your site is dope.
x
tahsin
I loved this post. Bravo for your honesty. “They” say you’ll figure it out, but I’m not so sure that I would want to. The uncertainty is life, without I’m not sure what you would have, but I am sure it would be a lot less interesting (to live AND to read).
Everyone doubts, worries and ruminates. It’s how we calm our inner selves in preparation to pave the way for greatness! Keep it up, girlfriend!
Love this and love that not knowing is a huge part of the journey we’re all on. Whether you’re this or that, it’s enough!
Well here’s try #2 after my computer decided to freeze up on #1!
I am new to your blog and was amazed at how I immediately related to both your actual words and your style of writing. The roughest part of my day is trying to decide who or what I am at that moment. The feeling of “insignificance” is often there. After the worst year and a half o my life its nice to see someone saying exactly what I feel inside. Frankly, if one more person says to just “get over it” and be who everyone wants me to be I may have to redefine the term “going postal.”
Thanks again and looking forward to reading more!
This would have to be one of the best blogs I have read in my 10 years of blogging on and off. You wrote exactly what I am feeling and probably the majority of females in general.
I sometimes think I am in love, I sometimes think I’m not … I also sometimes do things I know I shouldn’t and sometimes think maybe I should.
I can safely say I have no idea what love is. When people explain it I just look at them like a stuffed chook … My mum says to me, ‘you just know …’ Know what? Buggered if I know.
That was w wonderful post. Straight to the heart.
i can see my self here i feel and i think so exactly the same