Last week, I rearranged my bedroom into a sequence of furniture I hadn’t combined before. And I wondered, “how had I not seen this layout before?” And, it made me think even further about how isn’t this how life is? How, all of a sudden, you see combinations or paths or solutions that you never even could imagine before.
You realize that sometimes you need to buy the house. And you need to start with the empty living room and the empty bedroom and kitchen and dining room. You need to begin again with a blank slate. And you need to understand that what you’re bringing into that house will affect your every single day. And that every purchase, every added lamp, or window treatment, or piece of furniture, should be carefully and delicately chosen. And you realize that this is how life should be. That sometimes you do need to be the empty house and the only way to move forward is to examine, closely, every intricate detail that wants a part of your life. And you should ask yourself, “does this fit into the life I’m building? Or, is it just another thing I’ll have to discard once it has run its course?”
And you should do this. Because it’s selfish in that good way that is necessary to building a beautiful life.
Believe me, I never want to hurt anyone or outgrow anyone or be the type of person who needs to create reasons for toxic people to rid themselves of my life. But, it’s sacrifice. Because you know what’s more important? I am. You are. We all are.
Because, we come together at times when we need to come together. And maybe that bond lasts a long time. Maybe that house addition you purchased ten years ago is still your favorite thing. But, if it’s not? That’s okay, too.
It’s okay to move on. It’s okay to cleanse. It’s okay to grow apart, to break up, to go your own way. It’s just… okay.
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I think, seriously, that if you and I don’t relax with all the changes we’re going to wake up one day soon and be all, “Huh, that’s funny, we’ve changed so much we’ve become middle aged Mexican men.”
Wait. That’s not really what I was trying to say. I don’t think. Sigh.
Brilliant. Absolutely, mind-blowingly brilliant. And so timely. You’re good like that.
But really, it is okay. And that’s something I’m figuring out too. Glad I’m not the only one.
I don’t think that anyone ever could have needed this post as much as I did today.
Thank you.
It’s so simple, such a simple change but isn’t it amazing how different it can feel?
I love that.
Also, love this post.
spot. on.
If you keep up with this stuff, I don’t think there’s ever going to be a way that you could change that would make me love you any less.
Your brilliance is ceaselessly astounding.
Reading this feels like taking a deep, calming breath. Thanks.
This came into my mailbox just as I was gchatting with my best friend about the very same thing. Funny thing about life is we always have the answers, sometimes we just need someone else to tell us. And so, as you told, the whole growing apart, breaking up, changing thing – its okay.
But it really sucks sometimes, I will say that haha.
But I guess doing that is sort of like moving out of your old place and into a new place. When you move, you have to get rid of a lot of things – things you’ve held onto a long time that you once needed, and now, they just take up space or they’d just look really ugly in your new casa.
Personally, I really need an empty house right now. But getting rid of my old stuff and not knowing what will replace it scares the crap out of me!
I guess that’s what keeps life interesting though!
Great Post
i’m not sure about the analogy for things/objects like people/relationships… but i needed to be reminded of this right now. thank you.
This is why I just fill my empty rooms with cans of Milwaukee Best and Cheetos. No thought required.
Great philosophy on life as always. You are right it is time to let go of somethings in our lives. I have been working on ridding myself of toxic people for awhile now and I still have some relapses. It is about choices and choosing to do something better is what is normally best no matter how scary. It took me trying to move to DC for me from Detroit to try and figure this out. I did not get the job but I do have more sense of urgency now than I did in the past.
Nailed it! Oh yes you did. Major props, sister. I think *many*of us needed this post today. Thanks for being awesome!
this is why i love you.. you always make me realise something about my own life.. and it doesn’t even matter that you do it either when you’re sober or drunk
xoxo
thanks. what i needed to hear today more than ever
Wow.
Ugh, I need to remember this more often. I have a hard time and forget that I tend to clog my life up with stuff and people and obligations and guilt and that’s not going to help me build a future beautiful house life.
You’re completely right. But it’s so much easier said than done.
When you write like this, you give my heart a boner. EXCELLENT POST!
I wish I had something more intelligent to say than “heart boner,” but you’ll have to fogive because I’m functioning on only 2 hours sleep right now.
So…heart boner.
Wait I’m confused is it okay?
Wow.
This is so true.
When you said this:
“Believe me, I never want to hurt anyone or outgrow anyone or be the type of person who needs to create reasons for toxic people to rid themselves of my life. But, it’s sacrifice. Because you know what’s more important? I am. You are. We all are.”
I knew this was true. But it hit me hard. Because it IS true. And it IS something I should do more of. I tend to hold on to relationships, even when there’s nothing in it for me.. or for them.
So thank you
Wonderful post!
I *just* moved into such a house! It’s very much like me right now. Some rooms have old furniture that came with us. Other rooms are bare waiting for just the right pieces. I’m at the end of so many huge life changes, after years of coming to terms with who I am and where I want to be. I’m on the brink of a new project and new adventures to come… more wonderful changes… one that I’ve been piecing together for so long now. It’s scary and wonderful and amazing. And I just can’t wait to see how all the pieces come together.
I didn’t read this post until today, and I think the reason is that TODAY is the day I needed to read it. Beautiful analogy.
Aw man. Seriously. This post means something epic in my zodiac. It said “blahdy blah…simplify your life, go ‘back to basics’, in any way that applies. I’m vaguely irritated because I never seem to understand those things until they’re fullfilled…and I’ve already BEEN doing the feng shui thing…plus successfully dropped my husband and had to grieve for my sordid ungratefulness. It seems I’ve done nothing but simplify and streamline and yet…I’m continually busy. Erm…in a distracted, not completely sane way. As a single mom, I have a pretty bare place as it is…albeit a somewhat, ok extremely, cluttery and messy one.