If This Post Was Actually About Anything, I’d Feel Worse About This Terrible Title

Let me start this off by saying that I am literally hobbling around everywhere because Nicole thought it would be a good idea for us to start the 30-Day Shred because apparently she hates me and hates when I am able to sit down without screaming, “Ow ow ow ow! I hate Jillian Michaels! Whoever invented Jillian Michaels’ sucks!” But, this blog post is not about The Shred because Nicole already called dibs on that topic.

Yes, we call dibs on blog topics.

Yes, we really are that sick.

Or, maybe we really are that smart and clever and pretty?

I’ll let you decide.

I’m sticking with the latter, in case you wanted to know my stance on the issue.

Also, don’t hate me but I kind of forgot I had a blog for a good week. I’d sit there and be all, “Hm, it feels as though I’m forgetting something” and I’d search through my purse and realize I had my keys, wallet, phone, and then just skip along. Silly me! I have everything I need right here with me!

OH HOW WRONG I WAS.

I had completely forgotten that there was a blog here and that people might, you know, some day want me to update it. So, hi, here I am. I’m doing that thing where I remember I have a blog and therefore start writing in it with the hopes that you beautiful people will submit clever comments that I can read over and then proceed to chuckle to myself about how funny my blog commenters are. Yes, I do this. Yes, I have a sort of hall of fame for blog commenters. No, you can’t see it. Yes, it’s because I haven’t actually written any of this hall of fame down. Yes, eventually, I have a blog topic. I think. Or, I thought I did until I started writing and now I’ve used up half of my self-allotted word count without making a point like, at all. So, either this blog post is about to be extraordinarily long or I’m just going to cut myself off mid-sentence in a strange attempt to monitor my own rambling. Yes, I’ve had too much coffee. Yes, that’s basically everyday for me. No, I’m not drunk. Yes, I’m telling the truth. And yes, it was fine for you to assume I was drunk.

Okay, you were right. Fine. FINE. You were right. I have no blog topic. Well, I did when I started. That part was true. But then I started writing and rambling and now I’ve realized that all I actually want to do is write you a list of the notable things going on as of late. Which is to say, you should tell me the notable things happening in your life so we can be notable together. And then we can frolic. Wait, frolic isn’t spelled “frolick”? That’s some bullshit. I used to think in another life I could have been a spelling bee champion (I know guys, I dream big), but then I realized that I think both frolic and nudge are spelled with k’s. Maybe I just feel bad for the letter k. I feel as though it should get more play in the spelling community. It’s like c’s red-headed stepchild, except c is a little bastard that can’t make up its mind about how it should be pronounced. Do I have to put quotes around letters? Is it k or “k”? I hate grammar. And spelling. And spelling bees.

Yes, I’m bitter. For now on, I spell things like this: frolick, knudge, koffee, katerpillar, and kunt. Whoa, guys, kunt is a word! It doesn’t have the squiggly line under it. Let me see what it means. Hold please. Um. It’s not in the dictionary? NOW I DISTRUST THE SQUIGGLY LINES. YOU CAN’T DISTRUST THE RED SQUIGGLY LINES. THIS IS ALL YOU HAVE. I MEAN, THIS IS ALL I HAVE. I MEAN, THAT SOUNDS PATHETIC.

Uh, guys, I’m over my word limit. No list of notable things from me today. You send me yours. I’ll live vicariously through the cool things that have happened to you, because I’m now on the verge of a spelling and grammar related breakdown.

Woe is fucking me.

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