My diagnosis : “I am a commitment-phobe who is also a hopeless romantic with mild anxiety, a tendency towards perfectionism, a control problem, but also no self-control, an obsessive personality, but also someone who is guarded, but also someone who lets too many people in, and also a terrible multitasker while also being the world’s best multitasker” .. pretty much.

It doesn’t look good

OH NO I’M STILL DRUNK OR HUNGOVER I CAN’T TELL BUT I SHOULDN’T BE AND THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY LIVER BECAUSE I STOPPED DRINKING A LOT TIME AGO AND EXCUSE ME BAILEY YOU NEED TO PERFORM A LIVER-ECTOMY AND SAAAAVE MEEEEEE!

Jamie, I’ll write the book on self-destruction and you write the book on self-improvement and maybe we can sell them together as a package and then maybe some sexy European men will like both of them as a package and then want US as a package and then they’re buy us pretty apartments in Barcelona and we’ll live happily ever after sans brain tumors!

Does TMZ count?

I am glad I stopped reading self help books awhile ago. Though there is a good one out there called, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” that was the last one I read.