Things I Don’t Understand Even When People Explain Them To Me

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In terms of intelligence, I consider myself to be somewhat above average and yet… AND YET. There are some things, just, some of those things that, even when someone explains them to me, my brain tends to implode upon itself and I’m left there with drool coming out of my mouth, pointing at the shiniest thing. Or, you know, I just nod like I understand, but really? I have no for serious clue what the person is talking about and I don’t want them to think I’m an imbecile so I’m all, “Yeah, totally, astrophysics, totally, aced that class, no big.” I DIDN’T EVEN TAKE ASTROPHYSICS BECAUSE WHY WOULD I? MY BRAIN. MY POOR BRAIN.

Here’s a list of things that I don’t understand, even though people have sat me down, put a beer in front of me, and took it upon themselves to make me understand. Much to their chagrin, my eyes proceeded to gloss over or I reached for my phone and was all, “Mmhmm, yeah, definitely listening… sure… go on, yep yep yep.” I realize that this might make me seem like an asshole, but would it make you feel better if, instead of an asshole, we assumed I was just kind of dumb? Okay. Great. Let’s go with that.

1. Russia
See, there’s this map of the world on the wall of our apartment. And, every time I look at that goddamn map, I think, “WHAT IS RUSSIA!” Because, I don’t understand what Russia is. Like, it’s so big and it’s in two different continents and it seems pretty cold and I mean, who lives there? Who actually lives in Russia? I just don’t understand. It’s so big. That’s what she said. But seriously, so big. And it was the Soviet Union at some point, but I don’t even know and there was a Cold War, but my ability to retain historical knowledge has been damaged potentially by whiskey, so really, at the end of the day, I’m very confused about the state of Russia and what its purpose is. Oh god. Please don’t kill me, Russians. Seriously, I come in peace. Well, I’m not actually in Russia, nor will I be there at any point in the near future, but when I do eventually go to Russia, I’ll come in peace. I think. Or maybe they’ll ban me because of this blog post. I can’t be entirely sure.

2. LOST
See, I have a love slash hate relationship with LOST. I was convinced to watch this show and spent a considerable amount of time catching up on all the many upon many episodes over a specific Spring Break in which I apparently had no life to attend to. I caught up on that Spring Break to Season 4 and all it left me was headaches, terrible eye strain and questions concerning polar bears, Dharma Initiatives and something or other about time travel. Since that Spring Break, I continued, faithfully, to keep up on LOST and you know what LOST? I’D LIKE MY GODDAMN THOUSANDS OF HOURS BACK. Because, now the show has ended and it was terribly unfulfilling and people keep being all, “Wait, you didn’t get the ending? Whoa! Here’s what happened…” And then my mind just stops functioning and I want to smack the person who is trying to explain LOST to me, because MY BRAIN CANNOT COMPUTE. In my world, time travel and parallel universes and maybe purgatory or basically MAGIC doesn’t exist. So, my brain, being rooted completely in reality, cannot comprehend an island in which people can live forever and potentially turn into monsters made of smoke. I’m sorry. It’s just not possible. Kiss kiss no bang bang.

3. Geometry
Geometric theories? Finding the areas of arbitrary shapes? Yeah, bro, that class was super useful. All day I’m calculating the areas of triangles and squares. ALL DAY.

4. How any of the following actually work: television, internet, radio
Nope. No clue. Don’t even try.

5. Why people like Jack Johnson
He’s terrible. He’s boring. And EVERY SINGLE SONG SOUNDS EXACTLY THE SAME. Every single song sounds like something you’d listen to while high on a beach lounging in a hammock in Hawaii. Which is cool for like, the two times I’ve been to Hawaii, but all other days? No. His music is so impractical and stupid and don’t even link me to a song you think I’ll really like, because I promise you, I have been through this with diehard Jack Johnson fans and what ends up happening is they run out of the room crying, clutching their precious CD, yelling, “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND JACK JOHNSON!” And then I go back to listening to good music, like Kings of Leon and Bon Iver and people who are actually talented and not just potheads on a beach with a fucking ukelele.

Whoa, Jamie, have an opinion. Jeez.

Okay, all of you sexy people out there. Tell me. What things do you not understand? Maybe I will understand them and it will make me feel triumphant and superior. Or maybe you’ll just list off a lot of things I also don’t understand and I’ll feel even more like a jackass. Guess we’ll see! GOD I CAN’T WAIT.

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71 people added their two cents. Add yours.

{ 70 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Matt Stevenson June 10, 2010 at 8:33 pm

This is why god invented Wikipedia.

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2 Jamie Varon | A Life in Translation June 10, 2010 at 9:08 pm

Wikipedia doesn’t help. Ever. Only exacerbates the issue.

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3 A Little Coffee June 10, 2010 at 8:47 pm

Politics. Well, it’s not so much that I don’t understand, so much as that I don’t care. You should probably know that I am Canadian and no matter who’s in charge, we’re still just going to apologize and try to appease everyone.

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4 Jamie Varon | A Life in Translation June 10, 2010 at 9:08 pm

…I am Canadian and no matter who’s in charge, we’re still just going to apologize and try to appease everyone.

Bahahaha. You win.

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5 Kristen June 10, 2010 at 9:03 pm

The way you feel about Jack Johnson is the same way I feel about John Mayer. Ick.

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6 Jamie Varon | A Life in Translation June 10, 2010 at 9:09 pm

Gah! I love John Mayer. LOVE!

But you’re allowed to have your opinion. Kind of.

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7 Stevie June 10, 2010 at 9:06 pm

Oh my god, I love you for hating Jack Johnson. I don’t understand that whole thing, either. Like, at all.

I don’t understand the concept of a global economy and money and the value of money and the stock market and trying to learn about it makes me want to shoot myself in the face.

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8 Jamie Varon | A Life in Translation June 10, 2010 at 9:10 pm

When I was in Europe, I had no idea what was up with exchange rates and why I was losing money and my head would explode a little thinking about it. So yeah, I don’t understand it at all. We can be clueless together.

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9 Kathy Jacob June 11, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Exchange rates in Europe: just think of each single unit as a dollar and you with either:
1. come out ahead in one country
2. get screwed in another
Go to more than one country and it all evens out!

10 DRB June 11, 2010 at 7:51 am

Money – it represents what other people will do for you in exchange for what you will do for them. Go read all of JVs lalawag blog posts so they pay her. Then go do your job. The end.

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11 Takie June 29, 2010 at 4:08 pm

Great post, Jamie.

I don’t understand people with bad attitude, and I mean BAD in a NOT COOL way. The type that frown the whole f***ing (excuse my word :) day and go around talking totally RUBBISH about other people.

12 BThatch June 10, 2010 at 9:26 pm

I almost just sent you an email about LOST…that would have been embarrassing.

I’ll never get people’s obsessions with BOBA or how reality stars are able to convince themselves they matter

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13 Jamie Varon | A Life in Translation June 10, 2010 at 9:53 pm

BOBA? Like the tapioca stuff in the bottom of tea? Yeah, that shit’s so gross.

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14 Pasha June 10, 2010 at 9:36 pm

Football. No matter how many charts and diagrams I see, it will never make sense.

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15 Jamie Varon | A Life in Translation June 10, 2010 at 9:54 pm

OH MY GOD I UNDERSTAND FOOTBALL!

WELL, KIND OF.

NOT REALLY.

DAMN IT.

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16 Amy --- Just A Titch June 10, 2010 at 9:43 pm

You crack me up. But really, Jack Johnson? I don’t get it either. He’s like a nap for my ears.

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17 Jamie Varon | A Life in Translation June 10, 2010 at 9:54 pm

A nap for the ears. Yes. That’s a glorious way of explaining Jack Johnson.

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18 becca wikler June 10, 2010 at 9:45 pm

OMG. LOST. YES. Totally with you. Same story. Got all caught up and addicted only to have it end in the most anticlimactic, non-wrapping-shit-up, disafreakingpointing way ever.

Also totally with Pasha on football. Downs? I mean, WHAT?!

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19 Jamie Varon | A Life in Translation June 10, 2010 at 9:54 pm

You have high hopes during LOST, thinking they wouldn’t leave you hanging. But alas. BUT ALAS.

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20 Julia June 10, 2010 at 10:36 pm

haha i couldn’t agree more! (Well, except about Russia – I sort of understand it. But I also ready a lot of Russian literature and studied polisci, so the cold war makes sense to me – and Geometry – which was the only part of math that actually made sense to me). But I especially agree about Lost (wtf WAS that show?), Jack Johnson (which I think is the musical equivalent of the moment you realize you’re barely half way on an incredibly long and slow transatlantic flight and you feel like you’re NEVER going to arrive), and of course, how the hell “virtual” things like TV, internet and even good old fashioned radio (sometimes, if I’m feeling cheeky, I’ll imagine tiny little men inside electrical cables passing little cubes of information to each other, singing high ho like the seven dwarfs. haha i’m kidding, i totally just made that up. but wouldn’t that be awesome if it were true??)

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21 Arina June 10, 2010 at 10:43 pm

Okay. 1 Thing I Know.

Since, well, I am Russian, and I suck at being Russian and therefore only know the basics of my own damn history, I do basics very well.

Soviet Era: RUSSIA OWNS EVERYONE NO MATTER WHAT. Boom boom kill kill. Bourgeouis and all that. The “In Soviet Russia, joke tells you!” phase of history. The US hates Russia.

BERLIN WALL DIE.

Russia (now): Putin = <3. People include: oil rig billionaires, sexy naked women, and super poor rest of population (who can be asian, middle eastern, northern or european backgrounds, race-wise). Russia hates the US.

That's that. I hope that helped…….. even completely disregarding the title of this post. I think I actually could go into more detail but I'm not so stupid as to FULLY AND UTTERLY disregard the title of this post.

Also: I don't get golf. Just like Robin Williams didn't get golf.

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22 Irina I June 10, 2010 at 11:31 pm
23 Irina I June 10, 2010 at 11:32 pm
24 Jen June 11, 2010 at 2:30 am

Thanks for making me feel less stupid – I don’t understand any of those things either. Yay. (That is a good thing right?)

And another thing I absolutely don’t understand is cricket. I know it’s a sport, but I seriously don’t get it even though people have explained it to me numerous times.

Also, you’re totally brilliant. As in the “awesomeness in awesome” brilliant. Keep on doing what you’re doing. X

Ps. John Mayer? Yum!

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25 Anna June 11, 2010 at 6:33 am

Lost used to confuse the living daylights out of me. This video is a very good explanation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HWECQa23Cs

Nerimon wins.

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26 krystal June 11, 2010 at 6:36 am

i’m happy to read this about jack johnson. i also do not like him and agree with you 100% that his songs sound the same. he’s awful.

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27 Hannah June 11, 2010 at 6:40 am

that’s your whole list!? oh gosh…here’s just the first few i can think of it say 17 seconds
1. credit cards/bad credit/good credit – I get the whole paying is good not paying is bad but I have a feeling there are some more rules to the whole system

2. time zones – I thought I understood time zones until someone I really like ended up eight hours behind and a day ahead AFkdkgjnbnNKE

3. the appeal of chocolate and mint together – would you eat cake right after brushing your teeth? DIDN’T THINK SO

4. how any sort of technology works

5. …especially computer programing, sometimes I remind myself that someone invented the internet and I want to just curl up in a ball because of how utterly boggled my mind is and how i will never amount to anything as wonderful

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28 kelly June 11, 2010 at 6:57 am

okay now i feel a little retarded because i didn’t even realize that i SHOULD be confused about russia. but now i am.
so much shame.
p.s.-agreed on jack johnson.

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29 Karyn June 11, 2010 at 7:06 am

Clouds, I really don’t know clouds at all.

No just kidding. I am here to tell you that it never changes. You never get it. Im old enough to be your mother (yes, I read this blog… weird I know) and I STILL don’t get Russia, why they call it a Building (when it’s already built), Driveway/Parkway and why babies cry for no apparent reason (but you will get that someday, not too soon I hope).

Russia was bad, it’s cold (just see the movie Doctor Zhivago (1965) – man that was cold, his beard froze off. I mean really aren’t we warm blooded? We should not be forced to live in such coldness (is that a word?) – oh and I live in Canada. hehe

Anyway, you won’t get alot of things (like Mick Jagger knowing how to sing) 20 years down the road either. Things that don’t make sense today, will never make sense tomorrow unless you smoke some good weed then sometimes (only sometimes) will things make sense (like Pink Floyd’s “the wall”).

Then it’s all Rainbow’s and Glory Holes.

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30 Gini June 11, 2010 at 7:24 am

I HATE JACK JOHNSON!! Everybody in this godforsaken city seems to fucking love him, ALONG WITH Nickelback which is actually worse than Jack Johnson, but really I’d just stab my ears out with forks before listening to either one of them.

I don’t get insurance. Sadly, my husband works in insurance and tries to explain it to me whenever I seem particularly moronic about it, and I still just do not get it.
ALSO! Why when a guy touches my TV it magically gets internet and Wii on it, but when I touch it it goes “Waaaah?”

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31 RondaMarie June 11, 2010 at 7:45 am

Well, ok, I do actually have to figure out the area of squares and triangles every day for my job. Geometry win! However, I have never once used a damn theorem to do so. Theorem fail.

What I don’t understand is the big bang theory, not the show, I totally get the show, I mean the actual *thing* like, *the* big bang. Ok, tell me again what happened? No, wait, explain it again? Nope, still don’t get it, once again from the top. Oh, just forget it.

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32 Kathy Jacob June 11, 2010 at 2:08 pm

Big Bang: I see it as if your refrigerator (a double-wide with two freezer drawers) and all your kitchen cabinets blew up, then in the air, components magically coalesced and after billions and billions of years (ref: Carl Sagan, now you know how old I am) they created very small units which eventually lived in, then crawled out of the ooze. After that, see Origin of Species – I haven’t actually read it, but I think I saw the movie….)

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33 Amy! June 11, 2010 at 8:42 am

Jack Johnson. THANK YOU. I don’t get him either! I mean, a song every now and then isn’t so bad, but why would I want to listen to an entire album (or more!) that is basically THE SAME SONG. OVER AND OVER.

Also, I don’t understand computer programming or design or anything like that. My feller is a computer … code … engineer … something I don’t EVEN know.

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34 Jes June 11, 2010 at 9:25 am

I don’t get daylight saving time and why we need it but Arizona doesn’t.

I guess I kind of get time zones but I do not like them one bit. Why does it have to be so much work to figure out a conference call with someone in Germany and India. I am not big on math so the whole time zone thing sucks.

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35 Kathy Jacob June 11, 2010 at 2:30 pm

Arizona doesn’t want daylight savings time, just like they don’t want illegal immigrants. I’m not sure what the connection is, but I’ll bet there is one.

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36 Taylor June 11, 2010 at 9:44 am

Ah, Lost. It was pretty much my life for like 5 years.

But yeah, I agree. It got pretty ridiculous after awhile…

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37 nicole antoinette June 11, 2010 at 10:06 am

Airplanes and how they don’t fall out of the sky. And like, cell phone service. And also, baking. How does batter become a muffin? I have a BS in Food Studies and I do not understand this. Oo! Oo! And electricity.

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38 Akirah June 11, 2010 at 10:56 am

I don’t understand the reason why people feel the need to tell me they’ve “grown out of that stage” whenever I tell them I went clubbing the night before. Fuck you. I like to dance. It’s not a stage I need to outgrow. It’s something I like to do. Granted, I don’t anticipate going out when I’m 35 and have young children. But you best believe my ass will be getting down to some music in the living room after the kids have gone to bed. If I like to listen to 36 Mafia rap about skeet flyin from the window to the wall, that’s my business. If I want to pay a $5 cover to hear them rap about it in a club, that’s my business. If I want to risk having men grind up on me all night, that’s my business. It’s not a stage that I need to grow out of because you feel like you grew out of it. I like to dance, especially when alcohol is involved. Deal with it.

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39 Marije June 11, 2010 at 11:12 am

what about airplanes? how do they stay in the sky… I can even tell you about the science behind it… but I still do not understand it how it REALLY works…there is a big difference between the theory and me actually flying in the sky in a plane…. or is it just me??

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40 Kathy Jacob June 11, 2010 at 11:30 am

OK, I subscribed. 3/4 promises. Leave my mouth alone.
1. I can help you with the Russia thing-I can act it out for you in a funny and educational-but-will-feel-like comedy scenario.
2. Lost – couldn’t get past episode. Fuck Lost.
3. Geometry – even if you don’t use it, it’s supposed to make your brain work better. Like exercise or algebra. At least that what “they” say. But you know about that “they” thing. On the other hand, maybe if you had paid attention to Geometry, you might understand where Russia is!
4. OK by me.
5. Who the hell is Jack Johnson? Now I have to download three of his songs only to find that I agree with you. You started it….

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41 Kathy Jacob June 11, 2010 at 11:32 am

Lost – that would be couldn’t get past the second episode. Where’s my editor?

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42 Ask Alice June 11, 2010 at 12:21 pm

I’m so with Nicole on this one: How the eff do planes stay in the air?? I swear every time I’m in one I get so scared of literally just falling out of the sky.

I can listen to Jack Johnson only if I can’t sleep and really want to, as I’m falling asleep. So in summary, he bores me to sleep.

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43 Kathy Jacob June 11, 2010 at 12:49 pm

My daughter is your age, with three kids and regularly goes out dancing. She also was in roller derby several years. Don’t quit doing what you love!

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44 Adri June 11, 2010 at 1:52 pm

In regards to #3. Geometry… I use it in crime scene investigation. Seriously, using geometry and trigonometry in blood stain pattern analysis. Crazy. I would have never guessed that SOH.CAH.TOA would actually be useful outside of high school.

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45 Ria June 11, 2010 at 2:22 pm

I don’t understand fire. Seriously. What is it made of?
And solar system and how everything moves around other things but they all stay in place, until a comet comes.
Also cell division in some protists and bacteria.Where do they find the extra membrane?
(sorry for these -esp the 3rd,the first two are quite normal questions,3rd is a result of zoology studying-,I have exams, brain works overtime…at least I think so.)

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46 Doniree June 11, 2010 at 2:32 pm

I have the hardest time comprehending how to push the right sequence of buttons to make a TV/DVD player/Stereo/Cable box come on. Or turn off. Which is why I own a TV, but it hasn’t been turned on in 6 months. Probably also because I don’t have cable and don’t have TIME for TV, but I don’t miss it because buttons like on remote controls, really really intimidate me.

Oh, and things like Roth IRAs and 403bs and other financial things that might help me be rich except I’d lose all my money because I’d put it in the wrong place.

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47 Nathan Kerr June 11, 2010 at 2:48 pm

First, if there was a direct causation between the consumption of whiskey and the inability to retain historical knowledge about 90% of historians and history professors the world over would be incapable of practicing their discipline. Including me by the way.

That point aside your thoughts on Jack Johnson reminded me of an incident involving me yelling expletives quite loudly at Outsidelands two years ago. Simply stated my rage was induced by the notion that Wilco had to end their set so Jackson could start. It was a crime against music.

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48 Jessica June 11, 2010 at 5:19 pm

Okay, so I loved this post because I similarly don’t understand many things. I completely agree with you on Russia and Jack Johnson by the way. Jack Johnson’s songs all DO sound the same. Insanity.

I don’t understand:

-Football- never have, never will…no matter how many boys try to explain it, I won’t get it.

-How Egypt is legit in Africa. I feel like it’s its own world and should be its own continent. Not that I’ve ever been there.

-Wtf is ever happening in the Middle East..I try to read articles but all I understand is that what is happening is NOT. GOOD.

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49 Stretch August 19, 2011 at 11:03 am

There’s a terrific amount of knwoedgle in this article!

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50 tia June 11, 2010 at 5:59 pm

U2. I don’t like U2 and i don’t understand why people love them.

also, geometry. i hear you.

and WiFi. oh for the love of god, WiFi. where is it? HOW DOES IT EVEN EXIST?

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51 Cathrine June 11, 2010 at 6:41 pm

Agreed on Russia. If you’re from Russia, are you also European? Or Asian?

I also get confused about liquor. I don’t drink a whole lot, and when I do it’s mostly made by someone else. Is bourbon whiskey bourbon or whiskey? Is there some kind of vodka other than potato? What’s a spiced rum? What does it matter about barrels and age and wood?

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52 Caits June 11, 2010 at 7:20 pm

I don’t get space and the sun. Like period. How can space be all dark and no particles and stuff, but then it get sunny here on Earth? And how does the sun actually make light?

Need whiskey to stop head from hurting now. Thanks, Jamie.

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53 nicole antoinette June 11, 2010 at 7:24 pm

AH I FORGOT! You know what else I don’t get? The universe. Like, it’s infinite? What? How can it go on forever? And how can there be places out in the universe where NOTHING exists?? Like, no oxygen. NOTHING.

Help.

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54 floreta June 12, 2010 at 1:20 am

haha, funny post! I don’t get Politics. Jews and Palestine and Israel conflict. Darfur. Iraq. You name it. I’m a fucking dumb ass.

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55 Marian Schembari June 12, 2010 at 1:26 pm

God, woman. I LOVE this blog post. I’m soooo with you on the finale of Lost. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK?! I’ve had that same conversation with people about the ending and they all look at me like I’m and idiot. Except THEY’RE the idiots because there were 50 trillion questions left entirely unanswered and NO ONE CARES!

I also don’t understand the internet. Or web design. Which is why I think you’re actually a genius. Because people try to explain the simplest things about websites to me and it’s like my brain is attacking itself. I honestly have no idea what any of it means. It took an hour for someone to explain to me how to add a new user to my Wordpress account.

Other things I don’t understand: Lady Gaga (how do other people not feel horribly uncomfortable when listening to her? I want to scratch out my eyes when I look at her because I’m so embarrassed), how our government works, electricity, what fire is made out of, anything involving credit… did I mention the internet?

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56 Suniverse June 13, 2010 at 12:11 pm

Aperture and Fstops. No fucking idea. I have a fancy new DSLR and can only manage to take decent pictures on auto.

I have taken a photo class.
I have read countless helpful info bits online.
I have had 3 – THREE – different people spend a really, really, sadly long time explaining them to me.
I even read my manual.

Does not help. Any time I stray from the auto focus, it’s a crapshoot. I either end up with a pretty cool picture or a blur or complete darkness.

Fucking bullshit is what it is.

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57 Linda June 13, 2010 at 6:08 pm

I love this blog. I’m subscribing right now.

I have no idea how the internet works, either. It’s magic waves that come to my house wirelessly, by the phone or through an ethernet cable, which, what is that even? All I know is when it doesn’t work, I’m reminded of how I have no idea why that would be.

I also don’t understand why Arizona gets to just opt out of daylight savings. But then again, I don’t understand Arizona at all lately.

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58 HelenaRigby June 14, 2010 at 4:27 am

So many things I don’t understand too and I was lead to believe that with age comes knowledge, let me tell you. . . what a load of absolute bollocks!

I dont understand pensions at all no matter how many websites and financial advisors try and educate me.

Long division, hmmmmm nope just cant do it!

Agree with yous all on Jack Johnson, Nickleback, U2 and Lady GaGa. I mean howay, seriously what is the general public taking to make any of this pish sound decent?!?!?

Loving your work Jamie, love from the sunny (yeah right) north east of england

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59 Seni June 14, 2010 at 5:01 am

Oh lawdy! Politics NEVER stick in my head and it just doesn’t make sense to me. I have friends that will start a conversation about politics then think better of it, much to the confusion of anyone else around: “So did you hear about-….wait, never mind.”

I get confused about Russia too….supposedly they’re doing better but my mind just keeps them frozen in time of that one video I saw in World Civ. 9-10 years ago. ‘It’s cold there, people are poor, eat cabbage all day and hate their government.’

I’m not into LOST…or Heroes…or American Idol. I don’t get addicted to tv shows and only watch them online if I’m bored. Like Glee, it’s hilarious so I catch up on episodes at hulu.
I hate when people only watch things so they’ll have something to say ‘at the water cooler’.

OMG Ever since I was little, I wanted to figure out how t.v., internet & radio work. I remember one day I was actually contemplating how they first invented the internet and all of the operations the computer must be doing. My mind was blown and I was too scared to contemplate it any more in case I lost the sanity I have left.

Who’s Jack Johnson…?
I don’t understand the whole GaGa and Jersey Shore craze. I mean, really? Just not into it…at all. I also don’t understand how people seem to be putting sugar-pop on a pedestal and booing anything remotely original. It’s like the opposite of the rebellion in the 60s/70s. They swear they’re original and hard but honestly I don’t see it. My sister loves the cover of I Spin You Right Round and I died a little inside when I heard it. I’m by no means a traditionalist or purist but when people seem to think it’s the best new thing and it’s actually a mangled re-make, it drives me a little crazy.

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60 Andrea - Caffeinate Me June 14, 2010 at 3:05 pm

You know how you’re supposed to plug different things into different parts of your TV? Yeah… fuck that.

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61 Cheryl June 14, 2010 at 6:42 pm

I think Sarah Palin could help you understand Russia. And don’t even get me started on Geometry. I don’t think I’ve ever passed that class. EVER.

PS, ” potheads on a beach with a fucking ukelele”=BEST QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

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62 kender June 16, 2010 at 8:02 am

Honestly, I don’t get 2 things:
1) Billard. My mind just refuses to accept how people can enjoy playing it or watching it in TV. No no no, impossible.

2) Baseball. Noone plays baseball where I live. And I seen it in many many movies and such. Noone cared to explain the rules there, though. Someone got killed, arrested and puked in those movies but WHY WHY WHY noone ever tells WTH is going on and why those people run there? Why and what for?
I played baseball on my Wii. Even rocked there. Still no clue about the rules or how it makes sense.

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63 Vicki June 16, 2010 at 3:34 pm

I think I speak for most Russians when I say none of us understand Russia. Which is why 80% of the Russian population now lives safely in the United States.

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64 emmysuh June 17, 2010 at 10:10 am

Somebody already mentioned politics, and that for sure is one of mine. It’s like I understand what I believe/support IN MY HEAD, in the magical dream world that is my head but if you try get me to explain why I support whomever or whatever, I suddenly lose all control of the English language and/or logic. And it makes me mad because I feel like I’m dumb or I don’t care about the country or the WORLD or BABY SEALS BUT I DOOOO, I just…don’t get it. And also…it’s boring.

My other big thing is numbers. Not just math, although, HOO BOY, math is retarded and stupid, and I can say that because it makes no sense to me. But I swear, I have this learning disability called Dyscalculia where your brain basically is like “Numbers…FUCK!” and can’t process them, because honestly, I really, really have a hard time telling time. Consistently. I, like you, consider myself of the above average intelligence but Jesus, time or basic math or JUDGING distances and all that is too hard for my poor little brain.

For anyone else wanting to blame their math/numbers problems on a real disability:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyscalculia

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65 David June 17, 2010 at 7:15 pm

You’ve seen this before, right?

Miss Teen USA – South Carolina answering a question about maps.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

This is one of those moments when I would just pat her head and say “aww, you’re so pretty.” Your post may qualify for another one of those moments.

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66 Karyn June 19, 2010 at 7:56 am

Holy cow great U-Tube america moment there – people in the US don’t have maps so we should help Iraq with their education to get maps?
oh my god.
where do these girls come from? I love the blank stare at the end and Mario almost laughing out loud at her comment.
She didn’t even remotely answer the question!!
HAHAHAHA

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67 Annie Miss June 22, 2010 at 9:20 am

I’ll second that on Russia. I (shh) love geometry, though admittedly, never use it.

I don’t nor ever want to understand those who surround themselves with constant negativity; whether it be thoughts, people, etc. Nope, not for me. There’s a lot I don’t understand, but now, at my desk, it not the time to ponder such.

xoxo, miss you, Lady!

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68 Cornelius Aesop July 1, 2010 at 11:49 am

I wish I could lie but pandora.com was playing Jack Johnson while I was reading this lol. I’m learning how to play the Uke and well, chilling at the beach always sounds good, and if it is easy to play and learn the words or just say gibberish then I’m down for it. hehe

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69 Valorie July 27, 2010 at 4:38 pm

This woman. THIS WOMAN. She lives in Russia. Sometimes. http://tinyurl.com/2a9un7y

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70 BrunetteRapunzel December 29, 2011 at 11:45 pm

Well i don’t understand how tecnollogy works either!! I get really confused about religions too… It’s like Christians believe in God, Muslims in Allah (am i right?) so who’s real????
And if God created earth… Who created him? If he came out of nowhere, who created out of nowhere??? And how does ANYTHING exists??? Holy shit.
Also i don’t understand mainstream music lovers and haters. Whatever music you like… Don’t obsses over it nor hate what others like! I don’t understand WHY do they teach us at school stuff I’m 99.9% sure I’ll never use, don’t understand how cinema 3D was first than TV in color… I don’t understand anything xD

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