Living My Best Life And Becoming A Bartender. Yes. Really.

Hi everyone. How are you? Are you good? Are you in a funk? Are you feeling like you need a little pick-me-up in the form of fermented sugar? How about a latte? God. I drank a latte at 9pm tonight, which was a terrible idea considering that, right now, it’s 11:15pm and I’m really not tired at all. Also, I do not like how the proper grammatical way to display time is 11:15 p.m.. That’s just too many periods. I get very confused. If this were a Facebook post and if Facebook didn’t get rid of the “dislike” button, I’d dislike the APA grammatical style of time display. Yeah, that’s quite a sentence. I know.

See? Too much coffee. This is Jamie’s brain on a Venti Vanilla Latte at 9pm. Not to be confused with 9 p.m. which is bullshit. But, okay, fine, I’ll stop talking about grammar.

So, hi. Yeah. I was in a funk for a while. I think I’m seeing the sun through the trees, or some sort of metaphor to say that yes, I feel like I’m coming out of it. I was spending a lot of time balancing the desire to live in the moment while simultaneously wanting so much from the future. And I was spending a lot of time not knowing how to act socially when I know I’m not interested in making my life messy with the likes of the opposite sex at this moment. Because, I’m ready to be back out traveling, a wanderer of the world, a person who glides in and out of airports whilst continuing to look fabulous and feel fresh and free.

I’m also trying to be a woman who has her nails painted all the time. So, we win some and we lose some.

The good news is, I feel as though I’ve busted out of my funk. The bad news is there was a funk to bust out of. All the same, I learned, I grew, and I understood even more what makes me happy and what makes me feel like I’m living at my best.

One definable thing is that I need to be social without pressure. The second I start thinking that it might be cool to meet someone or when I pile on expectations, I have already ruined a perfectly fine night. I overthink. And then think some more on top of that. But, the second I stopped putting any pressure on myself was the second I started carrying on conversations with taxi drivers and getting scolded at by the manager of a restaurant because Nicole and I were too busy charming the chefs that they got distracted from their jobs and basically talking to anyone that would let me ask them a bazillion questions about their life.

I feel back to me. I feel I’ve come back into the skin of the person I want to continue working towards becoming. I want to always be the type of person that can strike up a memorable conversation with the woman standing in front of me in line for the bathroom. If anything, just to be able to hear about the new guy she’s dating and watch that glow in her eye widen as she reaches for her phone to show me a picture of him. These are the moments that can fall between the cracks of big, huge life-changing events.

And, it is moments like that that I think I forgot how much I loved.

Also, I’m writing this after I’ve come back from my first bartending class. Oh, did I tell you I’m going to school to become a bartender? Why yes, I am. Don’t worry, Shatterboxx isn’t going anywhere (I mean, I love designing more than I love my future first born) (just kidding) (kind of). I’ve always had a sick fascination with bartending (and drinking, clearly), so I thought I’d give it a try and see if it’s something I actually enjoy and would you believe it? THAT WAS THE MOST FUN CLASS EVER.

So yeah. Bartending class. No pressure. Small moments that have big, happy consequence. I feel happy. Actually, I feel better than happy.

I feel alive.

And, I think, really, that’s all I can ever hope for. To just. Ya know. Feel alive.

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