So, Nicole and I basically have our own language, some of which you’ve probably picked up on if you read either my blog or hers. As in, we’re ridiculous. As in, every time we think something is even remotely funny, it becomes a “thing” and we have managed to pick up so many “things” along the way that we’re ready to share them all with you guys, so that if you ever see us out and about (or if you’re GOING TO VEGAS!), then you’ll be able to relate to us even more than you already do and then you can freak us out by using one of our words in the correct way and we’ll be all, “HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT!?” because we’ll be drunk, so we’ll have forgotten that we published this blog post and you’ll be our hero and yay for you and yay for us and let’s get shots of whiskey and wait, WHERE WAS I?
Damn. Okay. Here. THE GLOSSARY!
Glory hole: The repurpose of the phrase glory hole to mean something absolutely glorious.
Me: Nicole, what should we have for dinner?
Nicole: The glory hole pizza!
Me: It’s so delicious and moist and wet and mushroom-y!
Nicole: Don’t forget wine!
Me: ??? When would I ever forget wine? KNOW ME BETTER.
Nicole: HI MOM
Test vagina: When the Universe is testing us to learn something about ourselves.
Nicole: That situation? That was a serious test vagina.
Fucking fuck fuck: When one fuck just isn’t enough.
Me: What the actual fucking fuck fuck WAS THAT!?
Jealousies: The feeling you get when someone did something better than you.
Nicole: Yeah, The Bloggess? Bitch gives me the jealousies.
IMATAFFFP, IMASP, IMATP, IMY: The use of acronyms to shorten Gtalk conversations Nicole and I have with each other in the brief moments we’re not with each other. In the order they are listed: I mean at this actual fucking fuck fuck point; I mean AT SOME POINT; I mean AT THIS POINT; I mean yeah.
Me: IMASP, the riots outside need to stop.
Nicole: IMATP!
Me: No, no, IMATAFFFP.
Nicole: IMY.
kkbb, j. f.: Our sign off to each other. Meaning: kiss kiss bang bang, jamie. flower.
Nicole: Bye, miss you!
Me: kkbb, j. f.
And vice versa. As in, Nicole signs off as this, too:
Me: Bye, love you!
Nicole: kkbb, j. f.
Like, rainbow _____: The “rainbow” in this phrase means A LOT, A LOT. Not just a little bit, but like, a whole lot.
Me: So, how tired were you yesterday?
Nicole: Like, rainbow tired.
On a scale from 1 to _____: If you’re in our life, you have become a scale.
As in, on a scale from 1 to Nicole & Jamie, how ridiculous are you? Anyone above an 8 should be our friends.
*Actual times three: This is serious business.
Nicole: I actual times three cannot even handle how funny we think we are.
THIS THE BEST DAY: No “is”, no punctuation. SO EXCITED NO NEED FOR PUNCTUATION CAPS LOCK
Me: WE GOT SNUGGIES IN THE MAIL THIS THE BEST DAY
Also, nothing in our apartment is named what it actually times three IS. So, I mean, at SOME POINT, we’ve come up with an entire glossary just for the items in our apartment. Behold:
The Womb: my bed
Origin: Nicole got in my bed one day after being freezing and said, “I haven’t been this warm and comfy SINCE THE WOMB!”
The Amazon: our bathroom
Origin: When we do laundry and, inevitably, our clothes do not dry all the way, we put our space heater onto the highest setting, close the bathroom door, and hope for the clothes to dry. When we go in there after a couple hours, it seriously feels like the Amazon. IMATP, too hot.
The Coffee Table: our couch
Origin: Since we have no coffee table, Nicole and I have taken to throwing all of our stuff onto the couch. So, when I need something, Nicole will be all, “Oh, it’s on the coffee table!” Which is the couch. Which you have to know if you hang out with us. Confusing. I know.
The Dance Floor: our breakfast bar
Origin: When Nicole and I put on Girl Talk after Margarita Monday, she gets on top of the breakfast bar and dances like she’s never danced before. This is usually my cue to make chicken tacos.
The end.
kkbb, j. f.
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
THIS THE ACTUAL TIMES THREE BEST FUCKING FUCK FUCK BLOG POST EVER
kkbb, j. f.
I actually times rainbow love the shit out of both of you. And I can’t wait for Vegas. And snuggling. And, and, and…I DON’T KNOW. If only there was a Trader Joes so we could have Glory Hole pizza and listen to Girl Talk. I’d have The Tears again for sure.
Okay. Love you both, see you THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW.
On a scale of 1 to rainbow, I love you bang bang? Have I got it?
I have major jealousies that I’m not going to Vegas. I fucking fuck fuck fucking, like rainbow, actual times three, on a scale from 1 to Glory Hole Pizza, think you two are the funniest bitches ever and I love reading both of your blogs. HAVE FUN IN VEGAS!
IMATP, this is my actual times three favorite thing on the internet. Glory Hole Post! Also, I just noticed the rainbow thing on Facebook the other day and Andrea like. Totally used that one today. Because I’m rainbow exhausted.
Can’t wait to see you!
This is rainbow awesome
This post just made my head explode in the best fucking fuck fuck way possible. IMATP I shouldn’t even be at work because my excitement level has approached rainbow excitement! I will be actual times three worthless today.
PEOPLE GET IT
I SO HAPPY
My heart feels like a rainbow glory hole after reading this!
I’ve already been fucking fuck fuck using the glory holes of Nicole & Jamie speak in my life. I get laughs and then people think I’m rainbow witty. Thank you for turning my life around!!!
I feel like I actually understand you both so much better!
Can’t wait to meet you, Jamie. :]
Me: WE GOT SNUGGIES IN THE MAIL THIS THE BEST DAY
SO GLAD!!!! I hope I get to use that phrase soon!
this post is ridiculous and i love it and it all makes sense now.
pretty much the best thing ever. takes me wayback machine back to college. ahhh, the golden years.
I like your fucking fuck fuck. Afterall, sometimes just saying fuck once simply isn’t enough. So why not add 2 more fucks on for good measure? Brilliant! (Although I like the sound of fuckity fuck fuck better. You may use it if you like.)
Having your own secret language with Nicole just confirms the fact that you are lesbian lovers. Jenny and I have our own secret language too. Which also confirms we are lesbian lovers as well?
Fucking fuck fuck, your secret language like actual times three gives me the jealousies.
oh dear lord, this post just gave me the jealosies!! fucking fuck fuck, you guys are definitely awesome!! this is the most craziest thing i’ve ever read!! yeah, i gotta be honest: i really got jealous of your relationship. you’re totally lovable
wish i were in your world too.. IMY..
i’d totally love to watch Nicole on the dance floor
)
have a great day gals..
love.xoxo
You ladies are brilliant.
But to stay in theme, You ladies are actual times three, like, rainbow brilliant.
Not quite the same. Nope, not meant for guys at all.
You guys are giving me the jealousies.
Wow. Just… wow. I feel like the comments section of this blog post is like a practice kit for the glossary. Like in Spanish class. Reading the comments here and understanding them and maybe writing your own should be a homework assignment for all Jamie and Nicole blog readers. Mandatory, yo.
xoxo
I just ordered a glory hole pizza and they told me I was never allowed to call them again. Your glossary is broken and you owe me a pizza.
I love that you call your bed the Womb because with my heated mattress pad, I feel the same way about it. You guys are awesome and it was SO NICE to meet you this weekend. I’m coming to San Fran soon, save a night of drunken action for me!
my head just exploded because i heard all this stuff in person and at first i was like “whoa what’s going on” and then i got it and then ben was like “there was a glossary didn’t you read it?” and i was like “no i didn’t know there was homework” and he was like “it was something about rainbows” and then it didn’t even matter.
and i love you. the end.
{ 3 trackbacks }