In Which I Point Out The Absolute Obvious About Myself

Let’s talk about how I have an obsessive personality. Let’s also talk about how I completely had no idea that I had this, despite my acute self-awareness and desire to know every single detail about WHO I AM AND WHAT MAKES ME TICK AND WHY OH DEAR GOD WHY DO I DO SOME OF THE THINGS THAT I DO?

So, how about we say that you send me a song? You send me this song and I like it quite, QUITE, a bit and the next thing YOU know I have racked up hundreds of plays on my iTunes play count, because, I’m an actual freak. Because, when I like something a lot, I want to CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME it until I have stopped liking it all together. Because, well, APPARENTLY I HAVE NO SELF-CONTROL. Like, at all. Like, what happened to me? Like, at some point, WOMAN, STOP REPEATING THE SAME SONG OVER AND OVER AND OVER UNTIL YOU HATE IT.

I do this same thing with food I like. Say I find something that is really tasty, I’ll just keep eating it and buying it until it makes me want to vomit. I think some of this is laziness, because then I do not have to decide what to eat. I’ll just get Thai food! Or Chinese! Or the best pizza in the history of pizzas that ever existed, except it’s not really pizza, it’s more a hot, wet gooey mess and OH MY GOD I WANT THIS HOT GOOEY MESS.

Wait.

That certainly does not sound right.

Anyways.

I didn’t even realize that I was so obsessive about things until about two days ago when Nicole was all, “Yeah, we’re really obsessive about the things we like” and I was all, “ARE WE?!” and she’s all, “HAVE YOU MET US?!” and I was all, “OH MY GOD. OH MY DEAR GOD HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THIS?” and she’s all, “I really have no idea.” And she shook her head, put her headphones back on, and proceeded to hit REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT on whatever the song of the day was for us.

For someone who is really hyper aware of who she is, I really got blindsided with this whole obsessive personality thing. BUT IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. Because, yes, when I like something so much, I WANT IT ALL THE TIME AND HAVE NO PATIENCE AND GIVE IT GIVE IT GIVE IT CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME. Until I’m sick of it. Until I literally want to die by thinking about eating, listening, or anything-ing it again.

I’m sick. Seriously, just sick. This is the state of me as a grown woman. Someone without any self-control who obsesses over songs and very certain types of food and maybe even a really cute boy who may or may not have nabbed my attention and and and, no wonder I SPEND EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF MY ACTUAL LIFE WITH NICOLE. WE’RE LITERALLY OBSESSED WITH EACH OTHER AND SOMEONE SEND FOR HELP BECAUSE NO GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS. NO GOOD!

[Update: Nicole read this before I posted it, because she reads all my things before I post them and I read all her things before she posts them and the ending made her feelings sad because she says that it sounds like I want to be less obsessed with her and THAT'S NOT TRUE I PROMISE. Also, she wrote this update herself. The end.]

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