So, yeah. Yeahhh. I watched the first episode of Jersey Shore today. And before you get all, OH MY GOD WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! on me, it was mainly because I’d been hearing about it so much that I figured I needed to, at the very least, be somewhat “in the know” about this show. And, well, since I can’t get those 20 minutes (that’s how long I lasted) of my life back, I decided I’d write about it.
First off, all the men on the show kept saying how they are such typical Italians. UH. WHAT. YOU. ARE. DELUSIONAL. Lemme tell you a little secret here, Vinny or Snookie or whatever the hell their names are: ITALIAN MEN ARE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO WHAT YOU ARE CALLING “GUIDOS.” They are hot and awesome and interesting and wear leather jackets that make them these seductive bad boys, but they would never have a tanning ROOM IN THEIR HOUSE. Like, ever. Like, they’d rather die than be so obsessed with tanning that they actually had to install a room in order to preserve their bronzed body. Also. ALSO. Vinny-poo, have you ever BEEN to Italy? You know, that country you’re supposedly “from” and those people you are supposedly so much “like”? I mean, you haven’t. Because if you had, you wouldn’t even come back alive, let’s be real about this.
Second off, I’m kind of jealous of these Jersey Shore people. Which, I get, is totally contrary to my previous rant and you’re probably all, THE HELL? Did this girl do a bunch of drugs before she wrote this post? Well, considering I just wrote “pot” instead of “post” you would be correct in assuming I’m totally high and have actually forgotten about my previous paragraph, but, ALAS, I AM NOT HIGH. I just kind of, you know, wonder what it would be like to be so, well, kind of dumb. Kind of like, this is all there is and looking hot and dancing to house music and fist pumping is actually what just, simply, makes me happy.
I mean, is ignorance bliss? Nobody reading this knows, because you’re all smart. And hot. Yeah. And awesome. Yeah. I mean, only hot, smart, awesome people read my blog, so, yay. But, sometimes I think, WHAT WOULD LIFE BE LIKE TO WANT SO LITTLE? To actually truly believe that the Jersey Shore is the best place on the whole spectrum of places to be. To just be all, tra! la! la! ooh! tanning! hair gel! cleavage! six packs! so happy! To just not care if I become a published author or if my web design business succeeds or if I find the absolute, heart-stopping love of my life or if I exceed the impossible expectations I have for myself. To just be a little less smarter than I am. A little less head-on-my-shoulders-ish. A little more Jersey Shore and a little less potential-living-up-to.
I know. This is stupid. And not even worth writing about or thinking about, because, unless I get some weird brain switch, it’s a moot point. Because, I do care about writing a book and building a successful business and finding the most amazing love of all the lives I may or may not have already lived or will live. It’s just. Sometimes. Ya know? Sometimes. Shit. I wonder. I wonder what life would be like if I were a little less me and a little more Snookie. Minus the punch in the face. And, well, minus the everything she is.
Shit.
I’m so stuck with myself. Might as well embrace the hot and the awesome and the smart and just, well, fucking get on with it already, right?
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Shit, how many times have I caught myself thinking the same thing? People seem to be happy with their lives and to be fair, to each their own. BUT! But, is all you want out of life to go to a casino once a week, tan up, beat the floor with your fist (btw, the stupidest thing I have ever seen, possibly).
Love this post. I won’t say much, except Snookie is horrible. And the guys are really dumb.
First of all, I agree with the above post whole heartedly
Second of all, Walgreens sells Bump-It’s incase you really do want to be a bit more like Snookie
HAH! I am thrilled you had lasted this long without watching Jersey Shore – but I must say, that takes willpower. I nearly died after the first episode, took a brief hiatus, but after reading many blog posts about it was lured back. We all need a little Snooks now and then (or Snookie, Snickers, Snooks, whatever they feel like that day.)
Especially the part in the final episode where she dances by herself on the boardwalk for no apparent reason.
I AM TOTALLY JEALOUS OF THEM TOO!!! For all the reasons you mentioned AND for the fact that they got to be on Chelsea Lately. For no other reason than that they’re STUPID and Chelsea clearly just brought them on the show to make fun of them and they trademarked GTL. I’ve never seen the show, but after everything I’ve heard it’s probably better not to put myself through the jealousy and sharp object throwing. My TV is fragile and doesn’t need that at all.
The best part about the show is all the Jersey Shore theme parties I’m getting invited to. I definitely couldn’t pass for any of the characters on the show, but I’m considering dyeing my hair brown, getting a Bump It, and recruiting an army of Guidos to get wasted with. Maybe then they’ll hire me to be on the next Jersey Shore???
Jersey Shore is a train wreck…as in I can’t stop watching….I may or may not have fist pumped in their honor this weekend… i know, i know, judgement is upon me!
Loved the post. Have been to the Jersey Shore. Liked it. Have no interest in watching the show. Good luck on your business, life, etc.
This post raises an interesting question about how much the scope of our ambitions/plans/dreams/whatever is shaped by our environment and our experience. It’s one thing for the Jersey Shore kids to be unsophisticated and myopic if they’ve experienced other options/the world beyond fake tans and hair gel and decided that that’s what they want, but if the way they live and behave is simply reflective of all they’ve ever known, can we really fault them for being so shallow and self-absorbed?
Bah humbug. It’s mindless entertainment for the masses. What next? Santa isn’t real? I think you’re giving these kids to much credit to expect them to even spell “Italian” correctly. Understand the heritage? That’s like giving an AP Calc exam to a 5-year-old. Or to Pauly D. But he sure is cute with his 30-minute Guido do!
Wait, they’ve trademarked GTL? This show is like a trainwreck, and I got sucked into watching it. I think it gave my TV an STD though.
Why the fuck don’t we have a tanning bed in our apartment?
I still have not watched “Jersey Shore” the thing I regret NOT finding sooner was Mad Men. I love that show. I guess they are smarter than they appear. http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/TV/01/23/jersey.shore.business/index.html?iref=allsearch Go figure!
I probably will never turn it on! I am not into “reality” shows and this is one of them.
Oh wow, if I too could roll back the internal judgments/expectations/plans/hopes/dreams for just a second, or twelve and instead get my ‘Snookie on’ things might just sparkle a tad brighter. Can you imagine if every morning your only thoughts were, “Who is this guy next to me? Who cares he’s HOT.” And, “Should I go tanning today? YES!” Damn life would be easy.
SO, I think our first step is to go tanning.
And probably gel our hair.
Can I borrow yours?
I’ve never watched Jersey Shore. I think I’ve gotten enough “Jersey Shore” education from hear stories from my friends. And I may or may not have witnessed a group of wannabe guidos (minus the HAWT tans but plus the gelled hair, unbuttoned shirts, and shaved chests) at my local country bar FIST PUMPING TO COUNTRY MUSIC. I’m sitting there in my torn jeans, cowboy boots, and Jack Daniels belt buckle going all what the eff at their shenanigans.
This show is ruining life as we know it. And my country bar. Yeehaw y’all.
You know? I’ve often wondered the same thing. Not about Jersey Shore, though. No amount of morbid curiosity could make me watch that. Just, in general. What it’s like to be those people that hang around unbearable levels of ignorance and lack of adequate social skills. (Ok, I’m kind of socially retarded, so maybe not THAT part, per se.) Like, how would you function? Do you just not know any differently? It makes me brain hurt to try and imagine what it would be like to operate at a lower IQ level. It just… Gah. HOW DO THEY FUNCTION? I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
Similiar to this comment. I also don’t understand it. Because I’m clearly having coherency issues at the moment. Which is not helping my case any. Sigh.
I don’t know if I’d like to be less me and more Snookie. I’ve never actually watched an episode of Jersey Shore (sorry!) so I can’t judge too much but from what I hear they all live very simple lives. Ones that revolves a lot around sex, alcohol, dancing and fist pumping. Oh wait, minus fist pumping and plus work, I’m them. Okay, I take back my comment. I guess I could take on their lives. Well, maybe. Okay, no.
Well, if you really want to know, just start wearing bump-its. I’m pretty convinced there’s a direct correlation between them and less-than-shmartness…
Also, not only did I watch (and love) the Jersey Shore, but now I watch Jerseylicious. Yup. Basically, trash TV is my Jack on the rocks. Also, Joysey accents are basically THE most fun accent to imitate. EVER.