Most days, I want to scream at the top of my lungs, “I’M SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR GOING ALL THE WAY TO ITALY ON MY OWN AND I’M SO HAPPY IT’S RIDICULOUS. YAY ME!” Besides that being totally obnoxious, what with the CAPS lock and all, I keep feeling like I need to be quiet about my happiness and my success. And, even, sometimes, I feel like I need to apologize for it. Maybe even feel guilty, because, you know, the recession and other factors that people think prevent them from doing what they want.
And, you know what? This makes me really sad. That I am so happy and excited, but I feel like I need to shut up about it, because it might make other people feel bad. And, don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about humility here, because, really, I am humble about where I am. I feel fortunate to have good health and to be living the life I am, but I don’t think there is any reason that I should apologize or feel guilty for what I’m doing.
No one has said anything to me specifically, but it’s a general… feeling… I get. This sort of internal dialogue that tells me to not express TOO much excitement or TOO much happiness or TOO much pride, because there are people out there who CAN’T DO WHAT I AM DOING, OH NO. And, I don’t know who these people are, specifically, but I’d like to say something. Are you the person who other people have to hide their happiness from? Are you that person that your friends have to tone down their accomplishments around for fear of hurting your feelings? If you are, can you please take some action? Because, honestly, the fact that ANYBODY feels like they need to APOLOGIZE for being successful is a travesty.
Because, really? GO ME! I did SOMETHING. I made it HAPPEN. And, I want YOU to make things happen, as well. I don’t care if you are an entrepreneur or if you travel or if you just go on a walk today, but JUST DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. Because, I want to hear about people who are proud of who they are and what they have done. I don’t want people to have to tone down their happiness because other people can’t find a way to be happy.
And, maybe this is harsh and I will apologize for that, but don’t be that person. Don’t be that friend that no one can be happy around. Don’t be that person who people can’t gush about their accomplishments with. And don’t make excuses for why you can’t be that person.
Because, you know how I know you exist? I used to be that person. I used to avoid certain friends because they were happier than me. And, that sucks, for me and for them. And, now that I am actually really happy and secure with who I am, I see now that other people’s success doesn’t threaten me; it inspires me. And, yeah, this? this right here? this is me patting myself on the back. BECAUSE I DESERVE THAT. I ROCK AND I AM PROUD OF MYSELF!
Whew. There. That felt good.
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
Jamie, Don’t feel guilty and don’t apologize. You remind me a little of that person in How to Be the Cool Kid on Copyblogger that I just read. Keep it up.
Adam
You know, I kind of always secretly thought I was the cool kid.
Great post. I love that you don’t apologize for your happiness because I don’t think anyone needs to. I’m generally an overly stressed person so I don’t get *that* happy that often, lol, but if I was I certainly would want to proclaim it
I totally get what you mean. I found that I would be quiet about it, in general; but when people would say to me, ‘Wow, that’s amazing,’ I’d take the chance to say, ‘I know! It is amazing. I’m really proud of myself. It was totally worth it. But it’s not like I invented fire. If I can do it anyone can!’
Woo hoo! You go, girl!
I so resonate with this. As a South African who grew up through some seriously difficult times in South Africa, but got through it all totally unscathed, and as a life coach/ therapist/ social worker over the years whose heard countless stories of other people’s trauma, I often feel guilty about the safe and loving childhood I had and the drama-free, fulfilling lifestyle I keep now. But you know what, my repressing my happiness doesn’t serve anyone and it certainly doesn’t make anyone else happier.
Go be happy!
It’s like you read my mind or something! I was just having this conversation last night with a friend of mine. I feel like I’m tryin to DO something with my life and BE happy and nobody wants that for me.And I feel like my friends and family don’t support me and I can’t talk to them about it but it’s SO nice to hear you talk about this!
So with that said, I ROCK AND I AM PROUD OF MYSELF!
Thanks, Jamie!
)
Love this post and love your site! Glad I found it today via @cathduncan on Twitter!
Ah yes, this reminds me of a saying I’ve picked up “There’s no such thing as a guilty pleasure.” Kudos
There is an ebb and flow in life.
I’ve been on top of the world in my own way, so I understand how you feel. Embrace what you’re feeling. It will not last forever, it will not resonate through your soul every day, so soak it in every time you find yourself floating along in such happiness.
This is what you worked to do. Enjoy it.
Another wonderful post Jamie. I remember going to Tanzania for a stint working for the U.N.’s ILO, as sponsored by the Wharton School — people, before I left asked me, “You’re going where? By yourself? To do what?”.
When I got there I looked up at Kilimanjaro and thought “WOW, I DID IT — I’M HERE AND HAPPY”.
So, congratulations. But, wait, didn’t you marry the guy you went to dinner with?
Haha, no engagement (…yet!). You’re the second person today that asked me if I got engaged! Was it something I said…?
If I ever get happy, I promise not to apologize for it.
That’s the damn spirit!
You should be proud! There are people in their 40′s who wake up in a cold sweat because they realize that they haven’t really lived and go off and buy a pricey sports car. Just remember you deserve to own every iota of your happiness!
We should never have to apologize for being happy. You’re right.
I think you’ve been doing a great job talking about happiness, where you’ve been, where you’re going and the great leap you made to move to Italy (from an outside perspective, that is).
On a side note, I have this line that my girlfriends and I always say, “I deserve it.” Simple right? We didn’t make it up haha but it’s my tagline. But whether it’s a cocktail before noon, a trip we all take together or something I’ve been wanting to buy, I think about it, weigh the options, then I say “I deserve it,” with such conviction. It feels good and I don’t have to feel bad about it, because it’s me and my life. You work hard for what you have, so tell yourself when in Roma, “I deserve it.”
“I deserve it” is now going to be my new mantra. I love that. AND I DESERVE A NEW MANTRA! =D
Stop rubbing it in!
Just because you got off your duff and made awesome things happen doesn’t mean the rest of us need to be reminded that we are capable our own awesomeness. Some of us are lazy and we want to be convinced that everyone is lazy like us. People like you go and ruin the illusion!
What, am I supposed to just go find something that I care deeply about and find a way to do it??? Should I set realistic goals for success, whether it’s in work or in relationships or in recreational pursuits???
I don’t think so.
“Aww Robert, you’re too kind. Yea, I think most of my readers are really smart but sometimes it’s hard to take a big risk like I did.”
“And also, you are so much smarter than anyone else I know.”
Happy now?
I’m turning 40 in two years. I never did the backpack through Europe thing back when I was 18 and probably should have. I recently decided that I’m quitting my job, selling my condo and using the money to go travel through Europe for a year. My hope is to leave the day after my 40th b-day, it would be a great symbol for the next half of my life, wouldn’t it?
Your blog is so inspiring.Never feel bad for being happy. happy is a choice – never forget that!
I’ve always been one of those people that not only revels in my own successes, but also in those of my family, friends and acquaintances. I’ll never apologize for being happy for myself or for anybody else. How could you not be happy for someone (including yourself) when good things happen and life is going well? It’s been my experience that, for the most part, when something good happens, we’ve earned it.
Today I got news that I am getting a really big break. I worked hard for it. I did what I could to make it happen. I earned it. I am SO happy and I want everyone I know to share in that. There’s no way I’m going to rein in my happiness for anyone.
Frankly, I deserve it!
Preach it sister!
Jamie,
Never apologize for success and happiness! We are all keeping up with you because we believe in what you are doing (and maybe living vicariously through you). If someone keeping up with this is taking exception to it, then that is their issue. This should give them, give everyone, more drive to do what we can to have the same or similar opportunities as you!
Congrats on everything, enjoy your life, and keep on telling us everything!
Caps lock all the time.
You’re my favorite.
YES. Absolutely. 100% agree.
You DO rock.
Thank you. For everything. And for being the person I can gush to. I feel this way a lot – especially when I talk to friends from back home who doubted me. To be honest, part of me wants to rub it in her, er, their faces.
You’re awesome. And I love you.
Lady, you ROCK! (caps lock intended)
I know what ya mean and I know how ya feel. Keep kicking ass. You really did make it happen. You’re right, there are plenty of people out there who don’t want to hear it, but if you keep yelling about your success loudly enough, maybe they’ll get envious and follow in your footsteps. That’s how some of my greatest adventures started; I was pissed when I found out that MY friends were going off to do awesome things without ME. And so I, too, went off to do awesome things, just to get even.
Keep rockin’ it!
Good for you! It’s a blessing and gift to be happy and living what you want to do. Hopefully others will be secure and selfless enough to be happy with you. Definitely don’t apologize for it and definitely enjoy it!
Never apologize for being happy and following your dreams. Never!
I understand your frustration in dealing with naysayers and people who want to hold you back. I just recently put in my notice at my job of 2 1/2 years to pursue freelancing and to move to either NYC or San Francisco. At 30 years old, I know it’s time for me to follow my heart and find my dreams and neither of those things are at my current job or in my current town. So many people are horrified that I would even think of leaving the security of my corporate paycheck to go chasing my dreams in the vast unknown, but life’s too short to be unhappy and to not make things happen for yourself. If you don’t make them happen, no one else will. It’s your life. Live it. And don’t apologize for it.
I’ve been struggling with a lot of drama in my life lately. I’m torn between one of my best friends who i’m in love with, and my other best friend in the entire world who just so happens to be his ex. While I feel bad for hurting my best friends feeling by hooking up with her ex, I’ve realized today that I should not have to apologize for being happy. I’ve realized that while these past few months have been stressful, they have also been the most exciting months of my life. While I will do everything to make things better and more comfortable for my friend, I need to remember that my happiness matters too. I know that your situation is much different from mine, but the message is the same. Thank you for the awakening and i’m so happy that you are happy also