Learning Lessons In Confidence Thanks to the Italians

Although I have experienced many culture shocks, the one most interesting and prominent is the tendency for Italians to be quite brutally honest. At first, it was off-putting. Here in Italy, the culture is such a stark difference between that of America when it comes to social interactions. Whereas in America, you get a lot of people who are, for lack of a better word, bullshitting you, the Italians are so far from telling you what you want to hear.

In Roma, there is no coddling or hand-holding; you are expected to know what you are doing and when you, for example, want il conto (the bill), you ask for it. Servers don’t come over to you, interrupting your conversation, asking how the meal is or asking if there is anything else they can get you. They respect your dining experience and aren’t over-serving in order to up the amount of tip they’re getting. At first, it may seem the servers are being rude, but it’s quite the contrary. You never feel rushed out of a ristorante because they want to flip tables, so you are free to enjoy glass after glass of vino rosso or vino bianco!

Furthermore, hardly anyone here is filled with fake sugary-sweetness. The Italians tell it like it is and if you aren’t prepared to hear it, then you might want to get out of la pizzeria. It’s their way of expressing affection, as they are more concerned with you being genuinely happy, rather than being an artificial happiness based on the “truth you want to hear.” It’s really quite refreshing, to be honest. And simple. Truly, truly simple.

In America, we’ve come to expect fakeness and niceties as the norm. We expect to be coddled in retail stores and restaurants; we want our money to be coaxed out of us with compliments that may or may not be true. We expect to face little criticism, but to be welcomed with people blowing smoke up our arse! And, while this serves us well momentarily, in the end it’s doing us a disservice, as we become frighteningly fragile and insecure.

We learn to use the external as our gauge of self-worth. We have come to need compliments and outward approval, since our culture is based so heavily on that. Here in Italy, of course, people want outside approval, but not in the way we do. We put so much stock into being accepted by society that we don’t have that inner security that is necessary in evolving.

Here in Italy, I see that inner security in most people. Maybe it’s what we have come to understand as having “thick skin,” but no matter what its nomenclature, I see this security as something that immediately makes Italians an overall happier bunch.

And, as I sit here dodging some classic Italian punches, I decided I need to make a decision as to what side of the world I fall into. Will I continue to be swept up in the Russian roulette of self-esteem that is American culture? Or, will I lean more towards the internal and mostly unwavering self-esteem of the brutally honest Italians? Well, considering I haven’t fallen apart yet, I’m thinking I can hack it with some stable internal confidence. Aaah, perfetto!