Do you want to buy crack while you’re in Italy? Maybe some speed? Well, all you have to do is go to any “bar” (not typical American bar, but an Italian bar which serves panini’s, coffee, etc…) and ask for doppia caffelatte. SERIOUSLY.
I went to an event for other expats last night and met this man. I told him that I missed being able to get a big coffee and sip it for a while, because here in Italy, there is no coffee to go. He told me that I can order a double caffelatte. Really, I about died of excitement. So, this morning I set out to try my new order and so I ordered, “doppia caffelatte” (although I think I said “doppio” but regardless, she got it). And, per usual Italian style espresso, it was bitter and delicious and I put zero sugar packets in it, because I’M HARDCORE LIKE THAT. (Honestly, I’m unnecessarily snobby about my drinking lattes without sugar, but I digress.)
I drank it and was all, “Yum! That’s just so delicious I can’t even stand it!” Then, I went and got some lunch to go at Mary Pizza and then walked home. BUT THAT’S JUST THE BEGINNING.
And when I got home, I started to FEEL the DOPPIA! Or DOPPIO! Whatever. Oh my god, people, this is crack. I am on crack, seriously. I cleaned my entire apartment. I swept and dusted and put clothes away and have to do the dishes (but I started writing this blog, and omg ADD!) and finally figured out how to make the coffee table expand higher so I can use it as a desk and then put my sheets in the laundry and I am *THIS* close to using a toothbrush to scrub the bathroom floor. Or running a marathon, I’M NOT QUITE SURE.
This isn’t a typical American caffeine high where you’re shaky and kind of sluggish, but also have a weird amount of nervous energy. This is like crack. And I’ve never done crack, so I’m really just imagining this is how crack is, but from what I know about crack, THIS MUST BE IT. People on crack would use the word “crack” three times in one sentence (see previous sentence) and when they are writing a sentence about said crack, they would stop in the middle, decide they really need to see the new episodes of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, so they would open up iTunes, buy the newest episodes and then return to finishing their crazy blog post.
FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND ABOUT CRACK, that’s how it works.
So, forget illegal substances to get a high, seriously. Just come to Italy and buy yourself una doppia caffelatte and by god, YOU’RE GOOD TO GO.
(I didn’t take this picture, but sean_drellinger did, cheers.)
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Yeah, but I’m having a tough time picturing crackheads spending their high cleaning apartments, lol.
I find myself laughing at your posts, but this one makes me want to jump a plane tonight. I, too, was turned on to double caffelattes while working in Milan and aside from missing my amazing colleagues, I miss the coffee!!! Jealous, I am. But, motivated as well to start planning a return trip. Keep the posts coming as until I board my next flight, I’ll be living through you.
Great post Jamie. LOL. Love reading about what you are doing. I just sent your @twitter name and this site to Barry Walton who has just moved to Rome. His FB: http://www.facebook.com/WaltonBarry
Aloha,
Bob
OMG!!! Crack in Italian Coffee….. well that may explain why the Italians are so Hyper and love to CLEAN!!! Lerve You!!!
Not sure how familiar you are with me or for that matter how familiar I am with you, but Bob McAllaster a friend of my brother (Kevin Walton) highlighted the fact that you are living in Rome, since I am en route to live there myself. I am not 100% sure on how I am going to make ends meet, but I do have a TESOL certificate with a year or so experience and am outgoing, hard working, and fun to be around…so I figure those 3 plus speaking English may be a start. I would love to know more about how we may or may not know each other, what you do in Rome, and if you have advice or direction as to what I might do to get the ball rolling.
Thanks for allowing this long not so much comment, comment on your blog. Talk soon.
I am similarly snobby about drinking unsweetened iced tea.
We rule.
Li’l Sis Jamie,
You’re the most creative and entertaining crack addict I know. Considering I’m a recovering addict and have met about 40,000 other recovering addicts over the years, and countless “active addicts, that’s saying a lot. But given you’ve never actually done crack, I guess I’ll just have to consider you an “honorary crack addict”.
Either way, it’s just a real gift to have come across you online.
P.S. Enjoy the Expat parties, but For Gods Sake, please don’t go and fall in love with some crappy expat. I mean, you didn’t move to Italy to do THAT okay? Either you end up falling for a genuine Italian from, and in, Italy, or poke me in the eye with a sharp pencil okay?
LOL, AWESOME! I could totally use some of this.
Can you ship some to Harrisburg pa? I have soooo much that I still need to get done!
Glad to read everything is going wonderful for you over there! I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts. I’d love to be where you are right now. Maybe in a year or so I’ll get the chance!
Jamie, You are amazing with your writing. I read all your posts and couldn’t stop until I had read all of them. The way you describe everything is both clever and funny. As your Dad I was worried about this adventure however I now feel good about it. Your Photography skills are excellent. You must have got that from me.Anyway I hope you read this and put me on your list to receive your Blog.Miss and Love you, Dad